polyphony.

blame it on school, yo.

i hardly update these days, and it's really a shame.

just not motivated. school is sapping every ounce of my drive. but, since i have a massive all-nighter ahead of me, i'm procrastinating in the form of a blog update. here's to my slackership. *glasses clink*

cheers.

my life yo, has so much potential. i wonder how much the choices i make put limits on that potential... i mean, there are things i want to accomplish.

it's crazy, the places you can find inspiration. i'm sitting there watching real world, and arissa not wanting to go back home is me everytime i leave the crib for more than 2 hours. seriously. not to mention the times i travel to another city/state. i guess it was just, a bunch of 20somethings, my contemporaries, making life altering decisions, not whimsical ones, but decisions that had to be made.if i have a fatal flaw, its the lack of abilty to be spontaneous when the opportunities present themselves.

and, i hate that about myself.

i've promised, had talks with, even demanded of myself, that i learn this ability and put it to good use, but the veins are rife with this... timid lethargy... it's very hard to best, when it's so intrinsic a trait.

change is possible though. so i'm working with that concept, and we'll see what happens.

i am in school, and right now it's a love hate relationship. i love the fact that i got my butt back in school, and i'm doing reasonably well, but i hate everything else. there are no pretty jawns in my classes. i guess that's a blessing disguised as a curse. my art125 class is DE MAN DING. add to that the fact that i'm behind, and well, i am struggling hard to keep up. i hate the late night work sessions... i hate the possibity of either giving up my summers for the forseeable future in order to graduate on time, and then with a weak associates, and a very general art education, i will be thrust into the "transfer from ccp" game, where you can only hope your credits stick, and then after finally getting my bachelors, i can be thrust yet again into the bloodthirsty throngs of graphic designers who can't find work.

i swear, this is why i tell cats i just want to make music.

but whatever. i'm refocusing, and i am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, in short terms, specifically the 23rd of this month, when the semester ends.

it's april already. good lord.

___________

how about my little (12y/o) brother called either my mom or my sister an a**hole?

how about that?

i wish them luck on finishing up his upbringing.

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i misplaced my visa/atm card yesterday, and found it today. in the dryer. post drying session. warped and worn. i try it out tomorrow. *swallows*

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long distance is a beech, and no matter how much i try to convince myself otherwise, i can't see myself dealing with it. it's like somebody holding on to my heart and squeezing it... it's not healthy for me, @ this point in my life. i'm coming to terms with this. but where does that leave me? and you?

___________

i'm tired. and i have lots of work yet to do.

good night 'til next time.