polyphony.

sak

*sigh*


she on point. don't really know if there is any way i could put it better. like-

"it's funny how we all have our stories to share around the fire.

the little ditties composed to the tune of perceived greatness


if only in small glimmers momentarily


. . . just a few more pompous saturday night romps the size of las vegas' breasts


concocted to impress the lacks, where no one really gains past the moment those words are distributed


. . . . and by speaking the sentences our little inner zaggats guides are comprised of,


we find some kind of solace in being heard


. . . . or at least speaking with the hopes that someone'll catch the tail end of our most poignant moments on the wind.


a lot of times i sit around the circle with friends.


our jaws shifting loudly,


as our stories repeatedly meet the walls of crypts built between our hearts and stomachs.


right in that place we feel tugging us toward escape when something bad happens


those most honest and naked moments dying inside of us" © klamb


i mean. how absolutely correct is that? i couldn't begin to enumerate how many times i've sat down at the proverbial campfire, and spent many a winsome word in the name of painting for myself some sort of a positive outlook on life. it's always 3 times as good to listen to as it is to attempt achieving... sometimes i'm actually so good with the talking up of self, that i can step away from the convo feeling like there is hope. i don't lie, but the truth is that i can "break it DOWWWWWn" with much more aplomb than i have ever been able to build it up.


i'm working on it tho.


"shutting up and doing seems to be where it's at.


if u're truly great, u won't have to say so


game is recognizable


it just sux, cause i know that i'm good. " © sakalicious


i *am* that good.

cocky? maybe.
honest? most assuredly.
in denial? generally.

i say i'm in denial because the first step to recovery, as the saying goes is accepting your reality. my reality is that i'm good. i have trouble accepting that, sometimes to the point where i hold myself in contempt. it's not a self esteem issue- i don't think- but it's just, well,

"...i think it's just the notion of facing fear in public. not fears that nite lites and parents can quell,


but those things that are our own most unfortunate shortcomings. " © uknowho

(sorry for the blatant and rampant sampling of your entry, sak. royalty cheques are in the mail. just know that feelage is 131%.)

really, though- i've tasted the other side, man. getting back into school was an important step for me: not just because i need to finish school, cause, yeah, i do. more than that, though, is the fact that i had to prove to myself that i could be something that i was not when the idea hit me. i had to follow through on something. i had to see that i could do it, i had to do it, i had to be good at it. realisation of capability. it helped so much, because now every step i take, now matter how daunting, will be a step i approach with the concept of "conquer" on the brain. i'm sure i'll be scared of some things still- rome wasn't built in a day, for sure, but yeah.

i can do.

just gotta learn how to start saying i will, and following through.

_______________
b/side:

i'm gonna start wearing army surplus, shirts from the 70s, an assortment of hats, and i'll start using 's' instead of 'z'. brit style, like my mans eli.

chea.