polyphony.

7.05

i'm at my grandmas, south carolina.
up at 3:50am. admittedly thinking deeply about sex.
i think i'm just backed up.

*sigh*

anyway.
when night falls down here, the quiet is almost overwhelming. even the wildlife surrounding the house seem to whisper out of respect for the perpetual peace.

my grandma lives in a small town called summerton, about 25-30 minutes outside of sumter, sc. the ratio of square mileage to population density is pretty low; her closest neighbors are about a mile away, and she lives are one of 3 occupied homes on the road. the road stretches about 3 miles, before it turns at one end, and intersects at the other.

she moved here in 1990, after living in philadelphia for nearly 40 years... my family has visited her routinely since she's moved here; even before she returned to sc, we'd find ways to spend a few weeks here.

so i'm somewhat of a homeboy.

i claim this area. people know me, have seen me grow up... i reflect on lots of my childhood here.

-there was a room+boarder named ms. dolly, who lived in santee, sc. before my grandma moved down, we'd stay with her. she owned two small houses, and she'd put us up inexpensively. we really couldn't afford a motel. i only realize now that somehow, my mom and dad provided a steady vacation for us every year with very little money. we'd all pack up in a 1977 dodge van that my grand aunt used to use for bussing church patrons around philly.

that van got close to 600k miles on it before it gave up. i still remember feeling so sad when it finally keeled over. my dad emailed dodge and thanked them for such a well built piece of machinery. (i think he was trying to get a discount on a new conversion joint, but whatever.)

we'd take our luggage and stuff it into a carrier, and my dad would make the 12 hr trip to sc with us in tow. we'd listen to tapes of the temptations, the impressions... we had this anita baker 'rapture' tape- which still reminds me to this day of those long trips down south.

in those big vans, the engine actually was inside the cabin of the vehicle... so, when problems arose, my dad could actually operate on it,to an extent, from inside the car. i remember waking up in north carolina, and being at a pit stop at 3am, trying to get the sumbeech to turn over once more.

it always did.

we'd approach the nc/sc border... we'd always know, because about 120 miles from the border, you start seeing South of the Border the signs, with good old pedro. i loved those billboards, man. cats who take I-95 south know what i speak of.

but, we'd ALWAYS arrive safely at ms. dolly's house, and she'd have the beds prepared... we'd stay 2 to a room, this was before my youngest brother was around... justin and i in one room, gillian and alexis in the other, and of course, the rents got a room for themselves. it was probably better than a hotel could ever be, i wonder now, how we even found out about dolly. i'm guessing she's passed by now... she was in her late 80s by 1990.

we would also visit my great great grandmother big sweet, who lived in an old tin roof joint on a dirt road, about 450 feet off the main road. her last name was ragin, the family i reunited with today. she was old and ornery, or at least that's what i knew of her. she was 90 by the time i even realized her significance. i remember being somewhat frightened of the many porcelain dolls she'd collect- and she had so many pictures. old shits from the 30s and 40s, i imagine even some older things from the early 1900s.

i think back on it now, and wish i could have been more cognizant of my surroundings then. dirty underrelatives of hers ended up selling or burning/discarding of much of her belongings...

her picture was at the reunion today. after a prayer and moderate pomp and circumstance, we got to mingle. it was beautiful.

it's hard for me, because i'm a friends and family person, to be so removed from much of my family. so many faces and names that i wasn't familiar with. i didn't feel close to them, but i wanted to. i can't understand why my folks and their folks never make it practice to keep their children in touch with family members who aren't immediate.

it sucks because you go to a reunion, and you feel like a fkng outsider. i hate that.

it was just really good, though, to see some familiar faces... some new faces, little children running around and playing with each other- and just knowing that these people share the same blood as you.

you can call all these folks family.