polyphony.

another wednesday.

what's new?

hmm.

• rent due this weekend.

• i owe lankenau hospital $100.

• i owe sprint upwards of $150.

• sup?

typical life of the broke bachelor with bills. perenially behind the 8 ball. these things hardly concern me, though.

yesterday, i received a phone call from my youngest brother, jared. he called to inform me that my friend Jermaine died as a result of a car accident.

my immediate reaction was one of shock. i guess i'm stomaching it okay. it's surreal to see people your age dying, though. it's criminal to be dead before you turn thirty. just criminal.

i'm really sad, though. a bit more steely than i'd expect myself to be, considering how i've dealt with tragedy in the past- but it hurts. i found out from my sister today that he spent monday and tuesday in a hospital. they amputated his leg before he died. his wife, who was in the car, was also seriously injured.

they don't know whether she will make it.

…i just felt a tear. time to change subjects.

____


i'm going to work on not accepting mediocrity from myself, and people around me. i've got to kill the notion that it's acceptable. it's the only way we will move forward.

i wonder if it's presumptious of me to have hope invested in the futures of my circle of friends and various family members, as well as myself. i mean. i don't expect their futures to benefit my own in any way, but i guess i just know our capabilities, seperately and as a collective. it's my honest opinion that i/we have wasted unnecessary amounts of time as it is.

just being average. lamenting the doldrums of our existence while simultaneously doing just enough to get by and get drunk on the weekends.

iono.

i just think stepping up bigtime is long overdue.

____

i still wanna move to new york. lol

or, maybe jersey city. i wanna operate in nyc moreso. if philly was on the outskirts of nyc, i'd gladly stay here and pay substantially smaller rents, and commute like a mofo. 2 hours is a bit much though.

i think i'm going to try again, seriously.
if not this time then i'm giving up on the dream. lol

____

rip jermaine.
i miss you fam.
and i'm really sorry.
hope to see you again.