polyphony.

i want a loft, yo.

i know, i know. random topic to return from a 3 month hiatus with, but my lease is up, soon.

i want a fat ass loft in the center city area. i was looking at some spots on craigslist today, and i got to daydreaming. i mean, i'm pretty much over the food clothing shelter thing. i want a place that i'm excited to come home to. going home to my apartment these days is practically a chore.

i can't entertain anybody, not enough room. i can barely entertain myself. if you walk through the front door too fast you will be on the street again, it's that small. kitchen is incapacitatingly small. bathroom is serviceable, but an extra 4 sq feet would do wonders. bedroom is a liveable size, but having a bed fit for a grown man eats up far too much space.

a 900 sq-ft loft, though?!

PLEASE. it's a wrap.

i want exposed brick. sprawling living area. steps that lead up to the sleeping space. dope furniture and massive 10 foot windows that give a panoramic view of the philadelphia skyline. i want the 4" heels of a a pretty-foot'd lady's shoes to click and make echoes because i have 14' ceilings and immaculate hardwood floors.

here's a few photos i came up with in my search.





http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/apa/173336535.html

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/apa/170365792.html

beautiful.

that's the kind of living i want. damn this living in a box shit.
for real.

______________

my grandfather died last night.
don't know exactly how to deal with it.

our relationship wasn't a very close one, but we werent estranged or anything. besides, he was very close to his children, especially my dad, eldest of 6.
i saw him in the hospital maybe 2 months ago, right before my trip to Toronto. in fact, the day before. seeing him sick was bad enough, but watching the kids interact, cry a little, and then watching him pull my dad close and give him a fatherly talk- it was something i'd never seen before.

my dad looked like a kid, partly out of being respectful and submissive to somebody he saw as an authority, but also because he was at the mercy of a disease he couldn't fix for his dad. it was heart wrenching- particularly when you're used to seeing your dad in command- seeing him in that position was difficult to experience.

i haven't seen my father recently, but i've talked to my sister and apparently he's been taking it pretty rough. the last time i saw my father cry was back in 1990 when a friend of the family died as a result of diabetic issues. first and last time. i can't imagine what losing your father is like. hopefully the sting has been softened by the fact that my grandfather been varying degrees of sick for years now. my family's been fortunate in that we haven't had too many deaths, untimely or not, to deal with. i assume, though, that that only makes it harder to deal with when it DOES come.

my heart goes out to my dad right now. i owe him a big hug or 3 when i see him.

1.