polyphony.

overdue, i am.

for a long entry, that is.

long overdue. so... i'll make a go at it here.

i was sitting on the toilet a few days ago, and as is common practice in this house, someone left a magazine by the john. it was my younger sister's teenvogue. so, yeah, i picked it up... there was a write up on mandy moore's "60 things to do before i'm 30 list." so, i read. my reading had less to do with what was on her list, and more to do with my being intrigued as to what my list would consist of. so, as i reared up off the terlit, i began a rough list in the head.

i'm honestly too lazy to even try to do 60. i'm gonna whittle it down to 5, and expound on each. ready?

me too.

1) i wanna own a business.

record label to be exact. i think i've mentioned this before... i've seen successful independent labels, ones that don't seem to sacrifice any artisitic integrity for the sake of a sale. that's the kind of label i'd like to be on, as an artist... and that's the kind of label i'd like to own/run. i think stones throw has to be the blueprint for a dope label that's doing what it wants. the fact that they've done things like get the rights to re-release all that classic funk, including stark reality's NOW album... fenagled the blue print vaults into madlib's busy palms... i dunno. they do shit on their terms, and you would be hard pressed to find anything they've put out that is subpar.

big labels are for pussy motherfuckers who are scared of leg work, and more importantly, are willing to submit to the likes of sean "send em to brooklyn for cheesecake!" combs and dame "cam'ron is my new exec." dash, or russell "i own the 'urban' market, but still can't convince anybody that these phat farm shelltop knockoffs are fly" simmons and his wifey, remora lee simmons.

just a place for creatives like myself who wanna push the limits with music, or who would like to just put good tried and true music out. if it gets within a stones' throw of chris manak's shit, great. i'll settle for a few happy artists and a solid fanbase though.


2) i wanna start a band.

for serious. like, 2-3 guitars, a rhodes piano/wurlitzer, an electric bass, and some drums. on some stark reality sans the wacky vocals, or like, if you put jimi hendrix with jaco pastorius, herbie hancock on keys and clyde stubblefield on drums. of course i'd need some dope musicians around me, i'd be on lead guitar, and i'm no ill lead guy yet. this is assuming i have time to get nice on the guitar. fuck the "black rock" concept, and the hip hop/rock "fusion" shit. we'd just have jam session after jam session, record them onto an 8 track analog tape joint, and then see what cats think. crack beers on the weekends and become relevant 30 years later. that's that ill shit.

3) i wanna own a home.

like, a HOME. a domicile that increases my net worth. if it's precludes my pockets getting fat off this music shit, then i'm not gonna sweat it as much... because i want a nice home. i want a small but functional (good) studio in the basement... big kitchen, the trimmings. i'd like it to be in/around the 215 area. this would become a prerequisite if i was to tend to #4.

4) i wanna get married.

yup. the international playboy wants to settle down. it's weird, how i look at marriage. from the view point of an unincumbered twenty something who wants to be a rock star, the idea of linking up with a woman on some permanent shit is unappealin, to say the least. not that i want to run around fucking groupies, that's not even the deal. maybe it's that i'm conditioned to believe that marriage means a drastic loss of independence. and fuck if i'm not independent.

but on the other hand, i also look at it as a 30 year old man who has seen the single life inside out... i can see it getting old really quickly. there is much to be said for finding a compatible individual who is appealing to you physically, and wants to guarantee you sex and companionship.

that being stated- i'm in no rush to go steady forever with someone. i don't have one of those clocks that makes me feel honor bound to tie any knots... chances are that no one will ever want to marry me, or that i never find the one i'm trying to see forever with. i won't say that i'm cool with that, because i don't really know how i'd feel, single at 35, with no prospects. the rightist/fundamentalist in me would probably feel rather lame.

whatever though.

5) i wanna live outside the states for at least 6 months.

it doesn't matter where.

and for the whole 6+ months, i'd just feed off the foreign vibe, take lots of pictures, adopt culture and freak music in new titillating ways. yeah, living abroad is a definite goal.

so there you have it. nothing ground breaking, not trying to save the world yet, not trying to have kids and amass stupid expenses, just wanna do some worthwhile shit.

you know what the scariest part of it is, though? i've got 7 years and counting. i'm almost there. i think it has alot to do with why i'm frustrated so much... i feel the pressure of adulthood on my shoulders. the fleeting quality of time is so real to me now. and there's SO much i want to do. and so much of it takes time to really become substantial, or even worth mentioning. i tell folks i'm a musician, but i've got one basic beat with no lyrics floating about aimlessly. i tell cats i am trying to make it to new york for school next year, but i can hardly afford a full semester at ccp for the fall.

add this to the fact that i'm horribly impatient, particularly with myself, and you've got a young man on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

anyway... there''s my 5.

in other news,
something has got to jump off in the way of a job. my mom and dad had a sit down with myself and alexis today... apparently the expenses are getting to be too much for dad to handle, even with the money we give him each week. he basically asked us to up the amount per week. it pissed me off at 1st, because i'm not really in a position to spend anymore than what i am spending currently.

honestly, though- you look at the circumstances presented. it's got to be humbling to come to your kids for help. life shouldn't be so fucking expensive, man.

*shrug*

i'll do what i can.


i'm out tho.

*flips the bird*