polyphony.

its early.


wifey's sleep on the phone.

ive been up for about an hour. for no good reason, i've been waking up at the 1st release of sunlight and passing out for a good 4 hours at 8 in the evening. it's a horrible schedule, and i'ma have to rectify that with urgency.

but, i'm up, so i figured i'd write.

yesterday was my last day. very laid back, not a whole lot of pomp and circumstance, i worked, i packed my small bit of belongings and i left. a few thanked me for my assistance with the workload over the four month period, but largely everybody moved along like it was no big deal. so i followed suit.

i've got a prospect, but at this point i'm viewing it as remote. that's just the mentally/emotionally safe route at this point. i need more than one prospect, that's for sure.

i've slowly become more aware of the extent of tragedy resulting from the earthquake and tsunamis. yesterday i happened upon a picture, one of the most horrifying images i have ever had the misfortune of experiencing, surely the only thing that comes close is the mortifying photos of people jumping from the twin towers.

i cant post it here for the sheer fact that i'll go into a sobbing fit reminscient of the one i had last night. i don't remember the last time i cried as hard.

jesus.

i am absolutely overwhelmed. i wanna do something but i don't know what. money is obviously needed.

maybe a food drive.

giving blood is great, but honestly, there aren't that many people injured. you're either dead or you're homeless. that'd be almost cursory and undoubtedly ineffective.

even though the wtc terror drama hit closer to home, i believe this disaster hits closer to heart. obviously the death toll here dwarfs 2001's tragedy. but it's the frailty of human life in comparison to the strength of it's own planet. there's no real culprit. the things many of those people were seeking, the beauty of the beaches and the escape from inland doldrums, just turned on them in an unforgiving instant.

125,000 people?!

and more coming?

i missed the 1976 quakes in china by a hair, 3 years and some change, so i can't really comment on the type of devestation there, but i'm starting to believe that this will equal or overtake those levels.

all i can do is grieve. all those fucking children, man.

sorry to put a pall on the entry, but my mind's been flooded, pardon the pun, since that picture last night.

very soon, i will have some sort of good news to post about.

i haven't forgotten September 22nd, 2004. that was a big day for me in terms of realisation. i'm sorry the post had to stay up for so long but yes, those words meant something to me.

when your own girlfriend sees your forest for your trees, so to speak, and you don't, some serious re-tooling is in order.

i hope i didn't offend anybody by posting their comments. i needed that for myself. call me dramatic, whatever. honestly, fuck you. i love you. and thanks. all in the same breath. :)

*sighs*

its jussabout a new year, family!

what's gon' be new for you?!

it's time.


long timespan between my last entry and now, but i had shit to do.

sorry.

i've been working. tomorrow's my last day at my current job. i'm upset, but i'm glad sorta. whatever.

that's how the game goes.

big plans for the 05. what, exactly?

can't say. just big.
music is right now the second most important thing in my life. and it's scary because i have no reason to believe that anything will come of it. like my man said, props is nice, but in the end it's all about the dough.

it sucks because i'm not anywhere near being ready to be an "artist", and i feel that pressure to get caked. i wanna do it just cus it sounds good, but yo, niggas need cash.

iont know. i'm working on it. for now, i'ma stay as close to the mainstream 9-5 without abandoning my dream. it's hard.

meanwhile my music's getting way better. it's not a problem for me to throw on a record and make a good beat off it. i get shit together in 10 minutes, have a loop to build on. the thing is how much space is left between where i am, and where i want to be, and is it really worth the effort?

i guess it remains to be seen.

i'm still independent as fuck.
the other shits i been working on, bubbling up, will be self evident in due time.

eaufive.