polyphony.

*taps mic*

you ever think about how old you are, and then cross reference your age with pre-conceived notions of how far along someone your age should be in life?

well, i try not to do that, but i do know that where i am is not where i want to be.

on the flipside of the proverbial coin, you ever feel that you're on the cusp of substantial change?
i feel that way now. like SERIOUSLY.



anyway.

MAN am i excited.
i found out my boy runs this magazine at a stevie wonder party last weekend.

being the lil' writer in training that i am, i decided to ask him if he was looking for contributions, staff writers, etc.

him being my boy, was like "yeah! just send our editor some writing samples."

son.

this is the stepping stone. the foot in the door.
i've been trying to compile some real writing examples for him. i can't fuck this chance up, man.
this particular opportunity has also rekindled dreams of having my own magazine.

i swear, behind dreaming of making sweet love to special ladies, that's all i think about at work.

i done wrote up names for the mag, formats, scopes, all the way down to the particular columns. i even wrote a mission statement for the first issue. haha.

but i'm serious.

here's my problem tho.
i read lots of magazines that come out of new york. do you think it would be possible to have a mag that has a philadelphia outlook on life, something like a yellow rat bastard, or the fader , or even waxpoetics. all of these magazines have a new york consciousness, but aren't necessary covering new york specific shit.

could one pull that off in philly?

is there enough of a "scene" in philadelphia? i'd like to think so, but this city sometimes is hellbent on acting so damned small... like, for one thing, the 2am curfew that everybody's on.

that shit pisses me off, cuz i was really ready to get into some more stuff last weekend.
at least have another drink or something.

i dunno. i think it can be done, a mag coming out of philly that is for real.
that's my pipe dream for the month.

what else is new?

work.

work is aight.
been getting to work early, leaving late, making healthy amounts of overtime.
i like the job, but i don't.

i like it because it's easy. most of the guys are likeable. the day goes fast, and i get paid at the end of the week.

i don't like it because i've heard horror stories about working conditios, treatment of employees, etc. i believe it all. lots of these guys have been there 10+ years, no advancement, no nothing. there's an older guy, cliff, who works in the dept. next to mine, been there 18 years, and is waiting on the owner hand and foot. washed his fucking car last friday.

dude... for real? your car?

HA!

i wish.
i wish that bastard would have the testicular fortitude to ask me to wash his car down. i'm like, wow, what's cliff's job descrip again? but these guys, as they told me last week, don't have options right now. they've got kids and mortgages and medical bills and car insurance to pay for.

yeah, so i gotta remind myself to not get comfortable here. i can see this job becoming mad routine, and all of the sudden, it's ten years later, i'm 33 with a wife, and locked in this bullshit. i'm not giving these stingy motherfucks the opportunity to fuck me over...

some of the stories i heard, yo.
sick.

but it's steady work, so i can complain.

4 day work week this week!

holla!

yeah...

it's always the new shit that makes me want to write.

me being the thief that i am, i downloaded jay's new joint, "The Black Album".

ok.

it's STILL not up to reasonable doubt's par, but yeah.
he kinda came off on this joint. actually decided to write about more than his next-level 'jigginess'.

i'm telling y'all tho. the shit to peep is 'Allure' produced by the neptunes.

neptunes did it again, all jay really had to do was ride the beat correctly. man. lemme get a beat like that.
i listened to it all day, and i swear i wrote enough little bits of rhymes to it, i could have spit a 12 minute verse over that beat.

so yeah i was finally writing today.
came home and fucked with some beats.
slowly but surely i'm getting shit together.

me and work are fairweather friends.
i thought about it today, after getting shot down by my boss on some smart ass shit.
i'm not there to make friends.

i get paid.

nuff said.

i don't know yo, i've been feeling kind of stressed recently.
not kind of.
alot.

mad issues and shit.
it's a combination of things...

and i don't know what to do.

sorry.

it's been a while.

a good bit has transpired since my last entry.

almost too much to remember. so, i'ma take my time with this one. i'm cooking Nissin Top Ramen (chicken flavored) as we speak, becuase, damn if a nucka isn't hungry.

let's see.

last entry was october 13th, regarding my urine test. that was a monday.
nothing that i can really rememeber happened that week. i had some weekend chores to attend to, but other than that, it was a pretty simple week.

the week of the 20th, tho, was crazy.

that weekend i was to visit pratt institute with sak. turned out that this was going down the night before, so i figured i'd try to do both, make the weekend interesting.

man.

what was i thinking.

never mix business with pleasure yo. i semi-parted(more on the semi later) on friday, got back to the homie tab's house about, oh i dunno, 4? mind you, i'm supposed to be AT pratt by 9am.

!!!

man, i woke UP at 10. got my ass going, but again, the herb in me decided to get aggressive with my day. i hop the E train, except i hopped the uptown E train, and i end up way out in queens. pratt's in brooklyn. so, i missed pretty much all of the proceedings.

it's really all good tho. like sak said:

"
i went to NY
saw the school
chillt w/ friends and him <-------- best paht
came back home
loved the excursion
but pratt is out"

feelage.
it's still a pipe dream, but damn.
least not for right now.

side note: i came to this conclusion as i read sak's blog... i just got really depressed. reality is a bitch. with pms. and an uncomfortable bra.

yeah so.
by this time, after extended periods of being on foot, walking aimlessly in brooklyn... i fucked my feet up. the backs of my heels were on hurt mode for the rest of the weekend.

but, it was a cool day anyway, in spite of all the misfortune and ill-fated occurence. i hung with a group of cool peeps, assisted friends in need the best i could, saw some folks i really missed.

can't complain.

karas' dude is a cool cat. and he's got heat with the beats. maybe we can team up, give us both a year. since my rhymes done fell off, i'll slide sak the mic, and us three can do this. lol

and, i got to chill with an old friend, albeit under unfortunate circumstances.
she's good with me, man.
forever.

sunday, i went to hear a friend sing at a church. she killed it, even tho she said she couldn't hear the music. then i went home.

all in all, the weekend made me not wanna move to new york. of course, a week later, i'm back on the nyc horse, but for a few days, i was like "f'ck the big city."

otherwise, things have been steady. i'm really falling into routine with this job... i'm already used to getting up, going to work, coming home, going to sleep, the whole vicious cycle. i guess that's sort of a good thing. it makes the time go faster. a nigga is hustling for december.

oh yeah.
my grandfather promised his jeep cherokee to me and my sister. i'm supposed to see that some time in december, which is a helluva wait, especially when you have to take septa to and from work every day.
tres horrible. i might just end up copping a wheel anyway...

what else, what else-

man, i went to see scary movie 3 last night.

SO FUNNY!!!

...

or, so they'd have you believe. apparently, the two jerky white guys in the seat next to me thought so.
but dogs, if that wasn't some bullshiT, i'ont know what is. maybe i've fashioned myself too cynical a motherfucker for that type of laugh a minute humor, but it was really just a constant barrage of asinine jokes. like watching carrot top make an ass of himself for 3 hours.

do not waste your money on that movie.

$10 at the bridge theater on upenn's campus. i'm warning you, because i took one for the team.

ended up hanging out with my cousin, lenee, and two of said cousin's friends.
ah, my dear cousin, who keeps telling me about her trysts with people i know, whether directly or by association.

*sigh*

it's good conversation fodder tho.
interesting.

________________________________________________________________________________

man.
i can not wait until christmas/new year's vacation.

and *you* know why.