polyphony.

the pee pee test & etcetera.

no, not a urine test you'd take for a job.

MYYYY special pee pee test. interchangable with , and on a certain level, overrideable by, the poo poo test.

i doubt any one else has put this much thought into such a test, and even less have coined the test as such. so i'll do some explaining. it's only right.

the pee pee/poo poo test is a test i came up with some years ago, to test the trust and comfortability a young lady i'm interested in has for and with me. basically, it's whether she'll go to the bathroom while we're on the phone, without suspending the conversation, to make things more private in the vulnerable position she'd be in mid stream, or in more drastic cases, mid shit.

this isn't some perverse way to get up in somebody's biznass. BUT. people in general have hangups and issues regards this disposing of waste... and i suppose, rightly so. particularly defecating. and, on the honest tip for real for real.. i have no insatiable desire to hear fokkers taking dumps or sprinkling the toilet water with yellow rain while i'm on the phone. no fecal fetishizing here.

that being said.

there's a certain amount of trust and a certain level of comfort you have to have with somebody to let them stay on the phone with you while you is relieving yourself.

am i right?

i think so.
ladies. i imagine many of you have let someone see you naked. i mean, your adult, supple, breasts dangling ever-so-gently from chest and hairy patch nakedness.
i'm also positive that it wasn't just ANYone. it was someone you love and/or trust. correct?

aight.

who ever that person was, had to present the right credentials, or have your implict and unwaning trust. at least for that moment.

cuz you don't be showing the goods to somebody you'ont trust.
SO.

basically- if you trust me enough, and are comfortable enough, to lemme be in the bathroom with you, not necessarily physically (although that would be an even STRONGER testament, tho i might have to refuse)... i KNOW that you got love for the kid.

discussed this with a ladyfriend last night.
she's an exception to the rule, because she's ultimately special, and i'm pretty positive she trusts me. but yeah, she failed the test.

lol.. it's no biggie if you fail the test really, because i collect data on your trust levels from other areas as well.

i mean... i don't force it on anyone. in some instances i haven't even had to suggest it, it was a given. and most times i mention it in jest. i don't expect anyone to do it, but depending on your reaction to the suggestion... i'm clued in on some things.

question to the audience is, is this test over the top?

______________________________________________________________________________

etc.
i've been desirous of sexual activity for a while now.
i mean, on some realness. like strong. but... it's not the regular stuff. not like... "yo im tryna fuck!"
it's peaked at that level, here and there, whatever... but for the most part, it's been a desire for intimacy and all that pillowy walk in the clouds balderdash.

we won't call it horny in my blog. we'll call it ...spikey.

yeah.
young is SPIKEY, but on some ralph tresvant sensitivity type brian mcmaxwell and co.
sometimes, i don't mind being spikey. right now, i'm starting to mind being spikey.

i dunno man.


i just wanna hold her.

but yo.
i just walked in, and i'm tired as hail.
think i'll holla at the world after dinner and a nap.

-23-

lookin thru an old poetry book of mine.

this is the beginning of a poem i wrote about 3 years ago, maybe more.



cats had issues with their religion.
figured i'd share.

anyway.

lemme talk about this past friday.

i'm about to roll, and my boss (jose) calls me over. he's like, "when we hire you permanently in 65 days..."

the temp agency i got this job thru said it was a possibility that i get put on, after 90 days.
so i'm hype already.


"when we hire you permanently in 65 days, what kind of salary are you looking for?"

whoa!
i aint know what to say, really.
he told me to tell him on monday.

that's what's up dog. i get the feeling that i'm important there, already, because of all the things i have learned how to do in such a short period of time. i pretty much know all the basics about the business, and i understand the different priorities of things.

so. since i'ma be salaried.
i'm looking for a better car come january. either that or i'm getting a really fly apt.

i think i wanted to write more, but i have a phone call to make, and it's getting late.
later.

not gonna get long winded right now.

just thought i'd say this.
karas says she misses linsey. if this is the linsey i am thinking about-

karas' longing is quite the understandable emotion.


linsey was(is?) a fine specimen.

i was just a young bwoy then...
alas, she never knew.

what an asshole i am.
karas, forgive me.
and dont tell linsey.

let's talk.

...word.

i just feel like talking to somebody right now... sitting in a dimly lit room and thinking and talking, pausing, listening to the crackle of a random jazz joint, and then breaking the soft din of peace with a little more convo...

i been feeling like that all today.

i think that's why i sat and engaged my fam in spirited discussion by the kerosene heater in the living room. just felt like laughing and talking with somebody. i dunno. sometimes i get like that.

anyway...
lots on my mind these days.
i've made a mess of much of my life, just by sitting around and watching things happen around me, not much involvement on my part...
i guess i'm trying to make up for it now. like, i was thinking earlier about how my return to school has been about proving to myself that i could do it... seeing whether i'm really just a lazy bum destined for mediocrity, or if i could do like the good students and get A's and shit.

cuz i fucked up all through school... for one reason or another. it got to the point where i didn't even have faith in myself to be able to pass classes... when i started college, i'd sit in class and watch folks be good students and be half amazed at how they did it and half angry at myself for not being able to do it. i dunno. it was the same way with work too... i was never employee of the month, never even got mentioned as being a good worker... it's hard to explain why.

but the same attitude that i took towards school on my 2nd go round is similar to what i'm going thru now with this job... of course it's only been 5 days. but some of the things i've done in these 5 days i would have never done in past years. i'm just on top of shit constantly. almost too on top of it... i mean, there were times when i was late for a first day at a job...

i'm just trying so hard now to be a model person, you know?
and it' s like, with this job... there's no work for me lots of times, so i'm just on pins and needles, jumping at any opportunity to be a good worker. but like, i think it's just because i got sick of reading other cats blogs or whatever, and seeing that they were actually WORKING at work... so many of my contemporaries have established things for themselves, and i'm still floundering about in my almost-mid 20s. going to work and acting like responsible adults, leaving the bullshit for after 5, or the weekends.

i'm mad that i'm just getting that, but then again, i'm glad.

cuz i want my own things man.
i want the simple shits that i've envied from everybody around me, back from elementary, high school, college, work, friends in general.
and i don't really know where i'm going with this... suffice it to say that i'm on some sort of mission.
whatever tho. just felt like talkin bout that a moment.

man. i need to get to the record store.
i can not wait till i get paid, so i can enjoy to some extent the fruits of my labor. it looks so far in the future tho... i forgot why i hated working thru this temp agency. but yeah... records. i gotta finish this computer i was building. gotta get that car too... and then the apt, depending on what happens with school.

whatever the case, i'm in need of dividends.
i also need to stop bullshitting and do some songs... this weekend should be a start. try to get some rhymes out, just get some shit recorded. von is making songs because he's bored. these cats make me feel like such a scrub, man.

but fuck it, i'm on my grind yo.

kid ain't shaved since the wedding... been rocking dickies and timbs to work, hoodies and those $2 a pair black cotton gloves from the corner store. lol looking the part and shit. and yo!
all this working out has paid off... i was lifting in the mirror last night and was like damn. muscle mass came up on the for reals. i'm well on my way. as soon as i knock a song out, i think the ball will really be rolling, as far as that come up i used to babble about.
yo-
i work for a jewish man, so i have no work on monday. that's so dope yo.
we get off jewish holidays dogs. sweet.


nite.

miss me?

don't even lie, you focking liar.

you know you ain't miss me.


anyway.
i been working. and coming home and sleeping.
and waking up and going to work. lol all you working fucks are like, "so?"

but you see, i had forgotten.

PLUS. i'm getting up at 6am.

getting home at 6pm. it's all so wrong.

anyways, work is whatever.
it's not so bad, once i'm finally up, i'm kind of eager to get there. early even. i finally started getting some real responsibility there. obviously, with more responsibility comes pressure... and i guess i'm handling it admirably.

you see, i've got an impatient smartass busybody as the guy i directly report to. on top of that, i have an 86 y/o crotchety man as the final boss like king koopa(you lose cool points if you don't get that reference).
but yeah.
that's an ill combination.
my final boss like dr. robotnik (points plus if you get this one), named george chaby, owns this business. they sell umbrellas. random ass market, but they sell LOTS of umbrellas.

case in point: he drives a white mercedes s500 to work and sits in the office until 2pm, chats with various buyers about the weather and how he forgot to take his pills, calls up a local club and tells them they need to install a railing, takes some phone calls, etc. it's one of those behind the scenes businesses that flourishes with out even making a squeak. 6 billion + people in the world. nobody who doesnt need an umbrella i guess.

except those in southern california. but even that may change.

anyway... that's my final boss like M.Bison. if you're a 90s kid you'd better that reference. or else. death.
my UNDERboss like skinny joey merlino, however, is a cat named Jose. ha! jose and joey.
but yeah... jose is a smartmouth that has already managed to piss me off a few times... and it's crazy, everyone else there just deals with his quips. he talks to everybody like they are 7. condescending ass bastard... he even shut up mr.chaby today. i was like damn...

and yo.

cats who know me well know that i will a give a slick mouthed fucker a walk on the wildside if they wanna go toe to toe with me wits wise.

(say that 10 times fast)

and i'm trying to be nice, and suck it up, but i dont let people talk to me like i'm dumb. because i have a dormant superiority complex that flexes its muscle when it comes to intelligence, and who posesses more. so yeah, we can go there. jose's no idiot, but jose's no david. so he needs to pipe that shit down.

but he continued. so, i started talking to him like that.
he leaned up offa me as the day went on. but THEN!!!

mr.chaby starts taking issue with the fact that i've been stretching alot. he thinks i am acting bored. so i'm printing out a packing slip for a drop shipment, and i see chaby and jose outside the office, talking... mr.chaby in a heated manner, gesturing, making stretching movements... i'm like, no this crusty fuck isn't. so i contemplate confronting the both of them as they discuss me.

i mean, i'm stretching because i'm tight. i work out unlike your decrepit ass. i hit the WEIGHTS last night and my muscles are a bit sore. ease the fuck up.

but i'm like no, i'll let it slide... i don't even know if he's talking about me.
but you KNOW a motherfucker was!

so as chaby's leaving, jose calls me out and we conference outside of the office... chaby's all nice about it, "i want you to be a part of the company, etc, yadda yadda, if you're tired, go take a walk, get up, dont just sit there and be bored... we like you etc"

man i never wanna be up that close on an 86y/old white man again. 'specially one that smoke(s/d) and drinks coffee... looked like death was welcoming me to hell.

so whatever, now i'm pissed. i can only be as busy as the work i am given to do. i aint get hired to sweep the fucking floor, and i certainly don't make enough to help the guys out in the warehouse move shit around.

so holla.

i relieved some stress by tradin quips with jose... he makes this dumb sound, sorta like "ticky ticky ticky" whenever he reviewed something i did. i'ma start saying that shit in question form when i hand him something from now on.

"ticky ticky ...ticky?

what the fuck kind of nervous tick is that. blink hard or something. don't say dumb shit.
anyway...

it's gonna be interesting, to say the least.
i'm just tryna see the weekend, then finally, my check.
________________________________________________________________________________

this whole day, the opportunity to see someone i got a lil feelins for was twistin up knots in my gut. i'm strugglin over here, man... it's purely the closeness. bein able to hang out with somebody, and laugh, and maybe kiss or something. sex is great, but that's backburner like a motherfucker.

i'm maintaining though.
barely.

it's eating a hole in my chest.

________________________________________________________________________________

i have no money.
these fucks don't pay me until the 10th.
i nibbled on a big ass apple fritter all day today.
i need money for a transpass next week.

good night.