polyphony.

little break in the workflow, so i figured i'd holla.

day-to-day life blogs are largely depressing. and boring. i think that's why i rarely update this one. everybody's heart broken, poor, hungry, hot/cold, sad. if energy is really being expended into the atmosphere when folks throw those negative vibed blogs out there, do i REALLY need to add to it with more of the same?

i thinks not.

i'm bent on positivity. i mean, it's not like i don't deal with those things too. but for god's sake, i'm 26. the glass is occupied midway, and i (& people like myself) can look at it as being half empty or half full. i'm trying to be a half full kinda guy.

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so my lease is up at the end of the month. i've been contemplating my next move as far as living arrangemenst go, for about the last 3 months. been rifling through craigslist webpages and doing math calculations, in attempts to figure out what i can afford, and how soon. the pressure was starting to wear down on me... then all of a sudden, i had an epiphany.

what if i stayed put?

my biggest issue at this point has been the size. my kitchen is unbearably small, and if you do a 360 spin in my bathroom you will probably end up in the local ER. but i don't cook a WHOLE lot, and well. who does 360s in their bathrooms?

the other rooms are on the small side too, but when you're working with limited funds, size of living space is usually the first option to be compromised. let's be real. i live on a very nice block in a very nice section of the city, and i have a 1 bedroom (in theory) apartment. i live alone.

i'm doing alright.

the epiphany hit me, as i struggled to drag my mattress out into the living room. it was ridiculously hot last night, and my measly fan was basically just tacking on $ to the end of an overdue electric bill. my living room is bigger than my bedroom... but not so much that it would be an uncomfortable room to sleep in. i did quite nicely last night. on top of that, one of the main reasons i wanted more space was to accomdate the slowly growing studio. if i moved my every day stuff into the bigger room, and had my bedroom strictly as studio space, it would give me what i need, to an extent.

so, today's the day. after work i'm going to go home and start rearranging things. i'm really not looking forward to it, because it's unfairly hot, and there's shit EVERYWHERE, but i gotta knock it out as quick as possible, because the RE company's been showing my apartment already. if i wait to long, it'll get snatched right from under my feet, and i'll have to move ANYWAY. if it works, though, that's what i'll be doing. (doubly good is that it will give me the opportunity to REALLY clean my apartment. i don't feel like it, but it's been put off long enough.)

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i want a new camera.

to say that my current digi is long in the tooth would be a severe understatement. not to mention i dropped it, and now the battery door doesn't close correctly.

i've been looking at the Canon SD-550. it's really small, 7.1 mp and it has a nice big screen. a far cry from my current cam.

god, niggas need to buy beats so i can live a little further than my means!

i have my year review in october. i don't want to rush the year along, but i'm excited to get a raise. word is it's anywhere between 2 & 5%. that isn't a whole lot, but if it's more, i can not be mad at it.

anyways, i'ma get back to work. my niggas, holla.

1.

i want a loft, yo.

i know, i know. random topic to return from a 3 month hiatus with, but my lease is up, soon.

i want a fat ass loft in the center city area. i was looking at some spots on craigslist today, and i got to daydreaming. i mean, i'm pretty much over the food clothing shelter thing. i want a place that i'm excited to come home to. going home to my apartment these days is practically a chore.

i can't entertain anybody, not enough room. i can barely entertain myself. if you walk through the front door too fast you will be on the street again, it's that small. kitchen is incapacitatingly small. bathroom is serviceable, but an extra 4 sq feet would do wonders. bedroom is a liveable size, but having a bed fit for a grown man eats up far too much space.

a 900 sq-ft loft, though?!

PLEASE. it's a wrap.

i want exposed brick. sprawling living area. steps that lead up to the sleeping space. dope furniture and massive 10 foot windows that give a panoramic view of the philadelphia skyline. i want the 4" heels of a a pretty-foot'd lady's shoes to click and make echoes because i have 14' ceilings and immaculate hardwood floors.

here's a few photos i came up with in my search.





http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/apa/173336535.html

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/apa/170365792.html

beautiful.

that's the kind of living i want. damn this living in a box shit.
for real.

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my grandfather died last night.
don't know exactly how to deal with it.

our relationship wasn't a very close one, but we werent estranged or anything. besides, he was very close to his children, especially my dad, eldest of 6.
i saw him in the hospital maybe 2 months ago, right before my trip to Toronto. in fact, the day before. seeing him sick was bad enough, but watching the kids interact, cry a little, and then watching him pull my dad close and give him a fatherly talk- it was something i'd never seen before.

my dad looked like a kid, partly out of being respectful and submissive to somebody he saw as an authority, but also because he was at the mercy of a disease he couldn't fix for his dad. it was heart wrenching- particularly when you're used to seeing your dad in command- seeing him in that position was difficult to experience.

i haven't seen my father recently, but i've talked to my sister and apparently he's been taking it pretty rough. the last time i saw my father cry was back in 1990 when a friend of the family died as a result of diabetic issues. first and last time. i can't imagine what losing your father is like. hopefully the sting has been softened by the fact that my grandfather been varying degrees of sick for years now. my family's been fortunate in that we haven't had too many deaths, untimely or not, to deal with. i assume, though, that that only makes it harder to deal with when it DOES come.

my heart goes out to my dad right now. i owe him a big hug or 3 when i see him.

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