polyphony.

. . .


yeah, basically.
i did nothing worth mentioning today, cut lots of grass, took a trip with the fam to exton pa, dreamed of the come up. decidedly standard fare. we drove through wayne, through villanova... all the nice automobiles. i so want that jaguar xk8 convert. yo, you really couldn't tell me a focking thing.

anyways.

i dunno man. the impetus to write in this blog has been seriously amiss. i don't know what it is. more and more, i'm feeling like last year, two years ago, i was a writer. i was nice with the pen. now, i feel like i'm run of the mill. i can't even sit down and write a good blog entry, much less a piece of worthwhile poetry or a remotely dope verse... the latter of which scares me, kinda. i'd honestly rather make a beat than write to one.

that's an issue.

one that will work itself out i'm sure, but nevertheless. i'm good with making beats for the time being. it really is something i can see myself doing for a long time. it's how i spend most of my free time. i'm either making a beat, just listening to records for samples, or reading about stuff i can add to my studio, fake studios inc. the best part is that i never tire of it, in the way people tire of their day jobs. it's mad rewarding. life in general should be so worth the energy output. i'd wake up early more often.

on the other hand, i'm a fucking recluse. my room needs a serious cleaning. between all my pairs of jeans strewn about, and various records i'm either cleaning or looping up, i'm having trouble maneuvering about. i'll do it tomorrow, i promise.

i just want to go out, in my own car, to a place where the drinks aren't too expensive and the women are exquisite, where the dj's play list is some kind of wonderful. then i can dance a bit, holler at the bar occasionally, people watch and mouth the words to the hip hop joints. i can see all the fellas with their ladies, and then i can grab the celliephone and call the lady in my life. let these fux know i'm not rolling alone.

i need a night like that.

wednesday looks to be my best bet. either i'm going to new york for a party, or i'm going to the five spot down town for beat society. sans the car, of course- though i hope to be fixing that soon. dogs, let me get a wheel, it is over like the bridge. serious. i will gladly be a long lost relative to these people.

alright. i'm out.

1ness.

*cues up jay-z's reasonable doubt*

man.
this album is so dope, and jay can drop all the blueprint 'classics' he wants, he'll never eclipse this.
at least, to date he hasn't. rhymes were on point. every beat was sick. his freshness as regards being a solo artist kept him honest. cats had sht to prove.

i got shit to prove.

in life in general. i mean.
fuck music, if the needle doesn't drop, i still gotta make sounds somewhere.
i refuse to fade out, man.

anyway. i'm goin to a job fair tomorrow.
i absolutely loathe job fairs, but i'll do what i gotta. if it gets me a suitable gig, it's worth the grind. got bills to pay.
i got a letter in the mail that says i can do away with a dreadfully overdue cell bill if i pay half the owed amount.
gonna do that.

yo these dead prez motherfuckers. lol
i mean. they've got vision obviously, and i guess their thrust is commendable. noble even.
but i mean-
fighting fire with fire is only a worthwhile expenditure of energy if you've got substantial fire.
they got a track talking about riding thru the south bronx shooting cops.
nigga what the fuck, you think that did shit?

i can see their mentality getting cats riled up enough to do some acutely dramatic shit, get something radical popping on a small scale, get apprehended and fade out like martyrs.

martyrs that haven't done shit.

i have no answers, but i got a good eye for cats setting themselves up for failure.
*shrug*

whatever though. they sounded like herbs on wendy williams, fucking with the public's head or not.

gotta get to bed.
pz.

it's been a long time.

15 days to be exact.

i guess alot has happened since then.
i've really got to accept that my old lay out is gone, along with my links and my hits counter. just get over it, keep it moving, and work with this.

i'll tell you what, once i finally do do that- i have a new link to offer.

aeonizms

chea!
finally got around to getting myself a soundclick page.
now i can put my productions on the net for all to hear. i've been getting good reviews about that beat. so, that's what's up. i think i'm going to do a beat, start to finish, per week for the duration- until the semester starts up again. and then i'm going to start writing to them on the freal freal.

gotta get a buzz goin.

enough about the music, though. i beat y'all in the heads with that all day everyday.

i'm trying to save up $4-500 so i can head to an auction and cop a wheel. tired of catching the matherfocking bus everywhere.

(i'll edit and repost later. gotta shower up.)

peace.

7.05

i'm at my grandmas, south carolina.
up at 3:50am. admittedly thinking deeply about sex.
i think i'm just backed up.

*sigh*

anyway.
when night falls down here, the quiet is almost overwhelming. even the wildlife surrounding the house seem to whisper out of respect for the perpetual peace.

my grandma lives in a small town called summerton, about 25-30 minutes outside of sumter, sc. the ratio of square mileage to population density is pretty low; her closest neighbors are about a mile away, and she lives are one of 3 occupied homes on the road. the road stretches about 3 miles, before it turns at one end, and intersects at the other.

she moved here in 1990, after living in philadelphia for nearly 40 years... my family has visited her routinely since she's moved here; even before she returned to sc, we'd find ways to spend a few weeks here.

so i'm somewhat of a homeboy.

i claim this area. people know me, have seen me grow up... i reflect on lots of my childhood here.

-there was a room+boarder named ms. dolly, who lived in santee, sc. before my grandma moved down, we'd stay with her. she owned two small houses, and she'd put us up inexpensively. we really couldn't afford a motel. i only realize now that somehow, my mom and dad provided a steady vacation for us every year with very little money. we'd all pack up in a 1977 dodge van that my grand aunt used to use for bussing church patrons around philly.

that van got close to 600k miles on it before it gave up. i still remember feeling so sad when it finally keeled over. my dad emailed dodge and thanked them for such a well built piece of machinery. (i think he was trying to get a discount on a new conversion joint, but whatever.)

we'd take our luggage and stuff it into a carrier, and my dad would make the 12 hr trip to sc with us in tow. we'd listen to tapes of the temptations, the impressions... we had this anita baker 'rapture' tape- which still reminds me to this day of those long trips down south.

in those big vans, the engine actually was inside the cabin of the vehicle... so, when problems arose, my dad could actually operate on it,to an extent, from inside the car. i remember waking up in north carolina, and being at a pit stop at 3am, trying to get the sumbeech to turn over once more.

it always did.

we'd approach the nc/sc border... we'd always know, because about 120 miles from the border, you start seeing South of the Border the signs, with good old pedro. i loved those billboards, man. cats who take I-95 south know what i speak of.

but, we'd ALWAYS arrive safely at ms. dolly's house, and she'd have the beds prepared... we'd stay 2 to a room, this was before my youngest brother was around... justin and i in one room, gillian and alexis in the other, and of course, the rents got a room for themselves. it was probably better than a hotel could ever be, i wonder now, how we even found out about dolly. i'm guessing she's passed by now... she was in her late 80s by 1990.

we would also visit my great great grandmother big sweet, who lived in an old tin roof joint on a dirt road, about 450 feet off the main road. her last name was ragin, the family i reunited with today. she was old and ornery, or at least that's what i knew of her. she was 90 by the time i even realized her significance. i remember being somewhat frightened of the many porcelain dolls she'd collect- and she had so many pictures. old shits from the 30s and 40s, i imagine even some older things from the early 1900s.

i think back on it now, and wish i could have been more cognizant of my surroundings then. dirty underrelatives of hers ended up selling or burning/discarding of much of her belongings...

her picture was at the reunion today. after a prayer and moderate pomp and circumstance, we got to mingle. it was beautiful.

it's hard for me, because i'm a friends and family person, to be so removed from much of my family. so many faces and names that i wasn't familiar with. i didn't feel close to them, but i wanted to. i can't understand why my folks and their folks never make it practice to keep their children in touch with family members who aren't immediate.

it sucks because you go to a reunion, and you feel like a fkng outsider. i hate that.

it was just really good, though, to see some familiar faces... some new faces, little children running around and playing with each other- and just knowing that these people share the same blood as you.

you can call all these folks family.

cool.

so, blogger changed their posting set up. i guess this is good.

*shrug*

anyway. i FINALLY made a nice beat today. about mawflackin time too.
...lemme just get this in, because i'm getting sick of seeing myself type it/hearing myself say it.
but, being the obsessive compulsive weirdo that i am, i've gotta get it out.

*ahem*

i hope my dream pans out joe. cuz like, fuck. and shit. man... the kid is on a mission. that's the truth.

but yes, back to our regularly scheduled programme.

the heat is makin the dude xtra seshAl chocolate, etc. enough about that tho. this week i'm off to sc for a family reunion. i wish i had a laptop, i'd take my beats down with me. make em in the car. i'll definitely have a nice cd stash tho.
i'm anxious to leave. i just wanna get the freak out of here for a bit. i've been locked away inside this house for far too long. there's only so much beatmaking/internet surfing/eating/chilling with the folx you can do, before you go crazy.

i'ma take my little sis to get her permit tomorrow morning. should be interesting.
she better pass too. or else.

so, on that note- time for me to sleep.

pz.