polyphony.

i'm back.

ain't much in the way of substantial jumpoffs.

romance and the lack of it, keeps me up at night. i haven't slept more than 2 hours per night since sometime last week.

and, it's not sex, people. that's so last year. it's more like, intimacy, friendship, a bed buddy beyond boning.

weneedeachotherandweknowitsoitdoesn'thavetobesaidbecauseicanseeitinyoureyes. but, if'n it's not in the picture for the right now, i'll wait.

'cause i know i'm *that* negro you run home and tell moms about. chea.

in other news, i'm about to do this. for real. music wise i mean. my beats are still more basic than i'd like them to be, but i just wanna get these words out right now. i'll spit over a heartbeat if it keeps it's rhythm correct. i've been doing some calculations, and i need something to the tune of $500 to really get the studio popping. maybe a lil less, if i'm able to cop this.



the nerve center.

then, i cop this.



rode nt 1 mic. above all else, the vocals have to be pristine. i have a mic now, but it really sucks.

yo...

i did a quick verse over a quick beat, and i went thru a mixdown, applied effects...

dawg. it's so over.

i mean. it took me forever to realize, but i'm seeing now my potential... and plus, so many wack albums out there. please. i wanna do an EP first, throw it at the masses and see how they respond. and, of course, there are the haters. my dad basted me today for having a beat playing too loud, and my sister doesn't want me to do it. but it's whatever yo. this year man... i'm not waiting for cats.

it is ON.

ha. word.


Aiyyo I gave you everything and you still fucked my head up
Children (I'm sorry Ghost) Not now, shut up
Got back off the road, heard you sleepin with fam
The whole hood ran up on me, I was like "Damn!"
So I stepped back, sized the whole situation patiently
Arguments, face up in the air like you hatin me
Ask you one question, was it good?
He have you on the wall like me, was it hood?

You probably showed him your sexy faces, how you ride on top
Grabbin the sheets, in a deep zone if he hit the spot

I came home on Friday, Saturday I found out
That night I cried with the kids, I was out
And my man, I'ma do him in
And the Lord knows best what I'ma do to him
And you can keep the crib - all I'm sayin is,
let me find out you got men around my kids


It was the beauty that caught me and held my soul hostage
'Member those days had you smellin my boxers
Old Gold up in the hood and Big Dup
We could push through the grimiest streets, then throw it up
Like "That's my nigga!"
Anybody got somethin bad to say, son'll come through and deliver
Brushin off his 88 clarks, y'all can't touch him
I bet a wad on it, y'all can't fuck with him
Semi-shy, and I'm laid back, crystal hats
Heard ya water broke, I was like *pyoon* and ran back
I ran back fast, broke my arm in the mix
To find out that bird nigga tappin my shit
It's alright 'do, maybe he came up with the right dough
Bigger dick, I don't know, must have been the best flow
This thing here, ever man in the world goes through
But fuck that, I put alotta money up, I'm hatin!



ghost. lol

ok detroit in six

i got my grades back for the semester.

two Bs, as i expected. i can appreciate a B, so yeah, i'm happy with it. i imagine i could've done better, but i'd like to think i did good. i worked hard, i know that much.

i'm lying, again.

i could have worked harder. but considering all that was going on *outside* of school, that i managed two Bs is commendable. i'm already registerd for summer2 and the fall... i dunno, i feel focused. i was talking to ihsan, and we are on the same wavelength. this year has to harken in some change in our behalves, dude.

i spent a good bit of time rhyming last night. just paying attention to how the words come out of my mouth, trying to sound each syllable out correctly... i have a long history of being a lazy mouthed speaker, it's one of my flaws, i know- my sentences are often slurred and garbled. it's hard, but i'm working on it. it's good though, i feel progress each time i sit down and write to a beat, and i've been doing that ALOT in the last few days. i was rather off yesterday, though. fkn 6ers.

more on that later, though.


YO!

get at my man's angry bots, duke. it's for real! wscfi.

i go up to nyc to rep for wale on saturday, and i'm mad excited. duke has rightfully earned his. the album is sick, and he's in love. can't do much but dap the man down. i'm looking forward to that isht though.

but the sixers. i pat myself on the back, because i toiled and trudged through nearly 3.5 quarters of sixers hanging in there, coming close, poised to strike, but NEVER doing it. when many other fans might have given up hope, i was in there like a anemic sixth man, holding fort until my peoples did what they ALWAYS do, and strike late in the game. and man, you really couldn't have asked for more. eric snow hits a 3 with 9.4 seconds left.

i mean...

that shoulda been the game. i wanted to cry. i had been screaming and yelling and cheering and being an overall jackass all game, so much so that i actually felt my heart palpitate. i had to stop and relax a moment.

but, we lost.

*sigh*

sixers in 7.

?

who are these people signing my guestbook?

through the fire.

yo, turn my mic up.

yeah.

i did alot of thinking this past weekend. a whole lot.

actually, i'm a liar. not this past weekend, more like the past two nights.

from nearly *jump*, this year has been such a roller coaster ride. experiences, emotions, all of that. soaring highs and plunging lows, sometimes at the same time. i'm still not completely sure how i've responded to it all, i imagine that the only way i could've survived was to go through the motions and respond/react with as much educated guessing as possible.

i've been not-single for nearly two straight years... unwittingly finding myself in one purgatorial relationship after another. purgatory in the sense that i've been neither here nor there, not in a relationship, but not a bachelor either. some of the time it was my fault that the relationship wasn't defined. some of the time it wasn't. some of the time both parties just accepted that it wasn't the time to take it *there.* whatever the case, i've been *there* each time in spirit. i suppose that's not much consolation for the times when i was being stubborn and wouldn't take it there... but it's a fact all the same.

cats know how i do. i try to think things out and choose the best route to traverse... sometimes it's a mattter of picking poisons, sometimes the options are polar. in the case of relationships and matters of the heart, though- it's never an easy choice to make. i tend to overthink, too, so trust that this factors in to my decisions and can color them negatively. but like i've said before- i just try to to the right thing each time. i really do. if you've been in my life for an extended period of time, chances are you mean something to me, this includes romantic interests, friends, romans and countrymen. this being the case, i don't want to fuck anyone over.

but i've never had so much stress in my life regarding relationships as i've had these past few years, particularly since 2001. and the crazy thing is that i haven't been in a relationship! i've been ostensibly single since 2000... all this stress and absolutely nothing to show for it.

i'm asking all participants and involved parties to take no responsibility for what's happened.

it's life, nah mean. i'll take it in stride. fodder and fuel for the fury yo.


holl@.

yeah and i just ate a huge plate of leftover macaroni and cheese and some kind of processed meat.

aw yeah.

what up sonlight.

ha.

but yeah.

*adjusts mic*

i just wanna spit a PSA at cats. i'm about tired of the greasybulllsheezy. like, folk not respecting my feelings, my plans, or my gangsta. i'm like aretha and rodney dangerfield wrapped up in a lil brown nigga blanket. and, i'm getting an attitude.

sometimes i wonder what's my point in stifling my tongue. like, i need to break some stuff so cats know i'm about mines.


___________________________________________


i think one of my flaws is that i excuse people. alot. i give them breaks, i look at the bright side, and folks be fkn me OVER. or whatever. my parents for instance... sometimes i gotta step back and see things for how they really are. sometimes my father does things simply to rock whatever proverbial boat i'm in. and, i always end up getting over it by bedtime, but i need to start holding grudges. really. people get away with some wild isht with me, and now i'm vowing to call cats out on it. i've swallowed it for too long, and quite frankly, i've grown fatigued as to the taste.

___________________________________________

okay, positives.

i upgraded my comp, because it wasn't really up to par for anything besides listening to mp3s. i stripped it completely. formatted the h/d, installed win2kpro, dropped in 256mb of ram, reinstalled only the beatcreation programs, and lemme tell ya, it brings a tear to my eye to see that sumbeech move like it does.

i need every bit of that 320mb ram to run cubase sx.

that program is the truth.

though it has a decided learning curve, particularly for cats who know nothing about cubase, logic, cakewalk, midi, all they know is "i wanna make beats yo". but really, put some time on it, and have a capable comp, the sky and your ceiling for imaginitiveness is the limit. and i hope i spelt that right.

so now it's about beats rhymes and life, and jawns on the weekends. lol nah, really it's about br&l, because like, i just took all my excuses and voided them.

gonna grab a new soundcard and a new turntable, maybe a midi controller and then it's officially on.

yo... that roots concert on wednesday was perfectly timed. i procure escapism where i can, and a dope show is always right on time. seeing thought spit... i dunno. it's spiritual man. i hope one day i'm that skilled at this stuff. plus, it was good seeing familiar faces and stayin out late, havin a drink and actin stupid. watching lakers lose isn't as good as watching sixers win, but you know, i'll take what i can get.

yeah. consider yourselves updated, beeches.

btw:

new mc on the dope-list. blueprint. whoa. that's my homie, dukes.