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0 comments | January 31, 2003

i'm is back.

kinda...

had been silently going thru it. i'm makin do tho.

*rubs blog on it's back*

i just... i just wanna apologize to you... i've been neglecting you, and i know i've hurt you in many ways i can not understand...

but ANYWAYS. what's the deal. i'll tell ya what's the deal... 3 weeks into school, and i'm handling it like a pro. been on time with all my assignments, b&w design has me droppin some ill shit, so that's hot. i'm SPOSED to be going to find out about that magazine, but nigros won't holla back and tell me what time to meet them. i checked today, in the mag there's a ad about a party held by the magazine, the last friday of every month. i'm thinking that this is the situation. so that's at 10.. might just do that.

i'm gonna go get a hair cut, maybe work on some homework for a lil bit.. try to get up with these magazine folks again, and etc. it until 10pm.

updates later.

0 comments | January 28, 2003

mighty mos.

Beef is not what Jay said to Nas
Beef is when the working folks can’t find jobs
So they tryna find niggas to rob
Tryna find bigger guns so they can finish the job
Beef is when the crack babies can’t find moms
Cause they in a pine box, or locked behind bars
Beef ain’t the Summer Jam for Hot 9-7
Beef is the cocaine and AIDS epidemic
BEEF DON’T COME WITH A RADIO EDIT
Beef is when the judge is calling you defendant
Beef – it come with a long jail sentence
Handed down to you in a few short minutes
Beef is when your girl come through for a visit
To tell you that she pregnant by some other nigga
Beef is high blood pressure and bad credit
Need a loan for your home, but you’re too broke to get it
All your little kids’ doing is getting bigger
You trying not to raise them around these wild niggas
Beef is when a golddigger got your seed in her
A manicured handout like “Pay me nigga,
Or I’m telling your wife
Or starting up some foul rumor that will ruin your life”
Beef is when a gangster ain’t doing it right
Another gangster decided what to do with his life
BEEF IS NOT WHAT THESE FAMOUS NIGGAS DO ON THE MIC
Beef is what George Bush would do in fight
Beef is not what Ja said to 50
But beef is Weldon Irv not being here with me
When a soldier ends his life, with his own gun

Beef is tryna figure out what to tell his son

Beef is oil prices and geo-politics
Beef is Iraq, the West Bank and Gaza Strip
Some beef is big and some beef is small
But what y’all call beef is not beef at all
Beef is real life happening everyday
And it’s realer than them songs that you gave to Kayslay
This has been a real nigga P-S-A



say word, my nigga.

0 comments | January 23, 2003

yeah.

turned in some homework yesterday, something i'm usually not too good at. i was too prouda myself, man. lol... kid was rockin a smile all the way to school and shit.

but i've been doing some thinking recently... like in the past coupla days... and so unsure of lots of shit... it's really starting to unnerve me. i mean... how i feel, how i respond, new experiences i have and exactly what they mean- i don't really know. i know i'm being really ambiguous here, but i'm sayin, yo- the ambiquity isn't specific to this blog. in my mind, it's the same. real general fears and desires and emotions and questions... nothing precise and defined,

i'm trying to figure some things out.

i dunno.

the next few months will bring some clarity to things. i'm very anxious for it- i can't stand not knowing.

this year is gonna be special, methinks. regardless of how it happens, the end result is gonna be good...

*waits for it all to happen*

0 comments | January 21, 2003

good morning...

i hope i get paid for some reason really soon, so i can move out and travel and shit. lol

seriously, yo...

i mean, i paid for those art supplies cuz. fucking $6.77 left in the account. i'ma be scrimpin til next week, dawgs. trust that. but i'm glad tho.. everything that i've *needed*, all general expenses i've been expecting; they've all been taken care of. now it's time to save. i honestly have enough clothes to last me until i have a big thick bank statement. i'm tryna have G's by march. it's possible. but i better use every motherfucking art supply that came in that kit, or i'm kickin ass.

yo...

i'ma be play bass soon, man. did i tell y'all? i'ma be the sexiest fuckin bassist, never mind my basslines will be the shit. lol

but i'm tryna get this one-



regardless, i want a jazz bass.. there are cheaper versions of that one right there, like the squier, or the standard jazz.. but that's the optimum. my uncle plays and teaches electric bass, and he said he'd give me some lessons, teach me some licks and the basics.

i'm amped yo!

i PROMISE you, cats ain't fuckin with me if i do this. lol
anyway.. it's late as shit. i'm going to bed.

holler8.

0 comments | January 20, 2003

pete rock signed my record.

the crowning achievement of my week, a pete rock signature on a copy of the lots of lovin' single. i wish i could have just somehow transmitted to him precisely *how* much i idolize him, yo. i dunno... he's the king of beats, and everybody else just makes up his little landlords.

but that was the end of the night.

it started out at about 6pm, when i left my home to get down to south street. and i just want to say one gotdamned thing... it really should never be *that* cold, at anytime, anywhere, except perhaps anchorage alaska, siberia, the great alps, or somewhere in the yukon. good GRIEF. couple the chill factor with the fact that i ain't really have much of a coat in the first place, and you've got yourself one cold little black man.

on the orange line train, i climbed into a seat with one of those heaters under it, and sat down, prepared to sleep... i figured i'd probably need it, seeing as how i had gotten up at around 7:30 that morning, and had gone to bed 4:30 the night before- but before i could close my eyes, i saw the eyes of a young lady on the other side of the train, peeking out from between the raised neck of her jacket* and her hat, pulled down snugly over her brow. i seemed to recognize the eyes tho... she had a little boy sitting beside her, and she appeared to be smiling. it turned out to be this young lady i worked with back in 2000, who i admitted to that i had a crush on, and her very big son. i think he must have been about 7, but the last time i saw him, he was maybe about 4, and much smaller. good grief. lol... anyway, every time i see her (except once when she was with some corny ass dude who looked like he would get his feelings hurt) we exchange numbers, and she tells me how she's single and etc. i'm sayin, she prolly coulda had the kid had she not slept so hard. i suppose i wasn't as appealing back then. whatever. so she slips me the math and, it's cool, cuz i have a talking partner until south st.

she's real cool, tho.. i'm guessing she's @ LEAST two years older than me. possibly more, she just doesn't look it.

so anyway, i make it down to south street, and walk down to 5th and south, try to find these folks i'm 'posed to be meeting up with... from 14th(broad st.) to 5th is a nice little walk, and in the freezing cold, it's a not-so-nice looong walk, but i made it, harassing my cousin on the phone for some semblance of company. i arrived at the chinese food place, and i peek in, and to my surprise, (surprisingly, considering) i see lots of asian (chinese?) folks enjoying dinner. no black people. no friends.

i felt so black in there. lol

i honestly didn't want to leave, it was the warmest place i had been in in over an hour- but i said "fuck it" and skitted my butt down to cue records.

opened up the door, there- guess who i saw?©the ruler

yeah. the squad, complete with nay and Kara S.. HOV!

so we politick and shizzle for a few minutes, then me and sAk run downstairs and grab two copies of that pete rock single, (thank you again sak for the rekkid!!!) purchase em, and walk like 30 feet down to where Fluid niteclub be at. this is around 7:48, i'd say. doors don't open until about 8:05, 8:10.. it was really too damned cold to be out there, man. so we made lame jokes, and bounced around to warm up. dude from fluid posts up the "open bar" rules, which effectively closed the bar. rasheem left because he had to work (i'ont even know why he came) and we wait. i believe i am anemic, so of course, by this time i'm losing bloodflow in my extremities.

FINALLY they let us in.

i'd never been to tastytreats before, so i wasn't sure how it would all turn out, but i was there with squad, which makes everything bearable. i start off the night with a rum & coke (free-*cha-ching!!!*) and take some pictures which i have a bad feeling won't come out, pay TWO DOLLARS for coat check, and hold down a booth for a hot minute while the venue fills up.

yo.. i'ont know, maybe it was because my body was tired already, (in fact most likely because my body was tired already) but that lil rum and coke slapped the shit outta me. my stomach was *very* empty, so that made things worse. lol... but i ain't get drunk tho. after the initial buzz, i was striaght. only had a yuengling after that, and i was satisfied. i was surprised at how much i danced... i ain't tear up the floor by no means, but i did dance. i had fun... mike nyce spun for the 1st 2hours or so, then jazzy jeff came thru.

i just wanna get this outta the way. pete's my favorite producer ever. period. pete is god of the boards... but on the real? he's no match for jeff. i was so proud of jeff, yo... i had to wait until 30 minutes into pete's set for this revelation (tho my boy chris had warned me) but jeff townes got dj GAME. trust me. his mixes were crisp, his scratches were sharp, his blends, all that.. dude knew what he was doing yo. i have much respect for him. pete's set wasn't bad, but a few times, the songs didn't come in or leave clean, he'd play too much of one song, things like that. nuances that lower your GPA.

oh yeah. they played 93 til Infinity. each dj. nuff said.

aside from mofos stepping on my white top tens, the evening rocked. but it's crazy tho, cuz @ like 12:30, i was feeling MAD tired. the joint don't stop til @ least 2. i was like, what's up with me? i was just really tired, i suppose.

around 2 am, i started getting my stuff together, and began contemplating deeply just how i was gonna get pete to sign these records... he's up in a booth, way high, and people are all jammed up on the steps to the booth, blocking the entrance. and then i'm tired to the point of passing out, plus hungry. i was getting disinterested. he takes his set all the way til about 2:30.. and FINALLY i, in the midst of many lame demos, drunken handshakes and shouts of appreciation, thrust 2 records and a magnum44 marker to pete, which he signs, like a troo professional.

*Sigh*

i fart loudly in relief and satisfaction.

i can go home now.
_____________________________

the eagles lost. aight. fuck the world, yo.
_____________________________

i'm tryna work for this local magazine so i holla'd at em in an email, and they've responded, inviting me to meet up with them on the 31st. i can't wait yo. i want this to work out. updates in like, 2 weeks.
_____________________________

no class tomorrow. fuckin' REAL.
_____________________________

i want to have sex really bad. dancing makes me want to have sex more. the full moon makes me horny as shit.
_____________________________


*footnote: in my first attempt to spell the word jacket, i actually phonetically spelled it, jack it with the space and everything. what a loser.


*over and out*





0 comments | January 16, 2003

1/16



hola, good people. what the deal. back from the depths of personal regret, with a pen in hand and a masterplan-

it's your boy Dave.

right. so, like... i did some shopping today. headed downtown to pick up something to wear on saturday. i got those adidas top tens up there, a pair of jeans and this old shirt from retrospect... it worked out good. i had a limit of $120 to spend on it all, and i thought i'd prolly cut it close considering the shoes i was pretty sure i'd purchase, but- it all worked out. see, money's kinda short right now. i just bought a cell phone that required a deposit, so that ran the pockets. i dunno... PLUS-

i gotta buy some supplies for school that are gonna have me broke as fuck by next week. actually, some of the shit ,i need for a project i'm to have completed by next wednesday, so- gotta get that shit. no one ever said college was inexpensive tho. whatever.

college! i'm in school yo! lol. first week of school is complete... it was pretty much a success. it felt weird to be back in school, all studious and shit, but it felt weird in a good way. i was fucking up tho. like... i dunno. i made sure i went to bed EARLY on sunday.. my classes are all on monday and wednesday, with my drawing class at 8am... so i gotta be up pretty early. i go to bed about 12:30, and fall right asleep.. and then i wake up. it's fucking 4 am. and i can NOT go back to sleep. so i sit there and stare at the ceiling, twiddling my thumbs, stickin my hand in my boxers and shit, and then finally decide to just get up and bathe and see what happens. i made it fine thru drawing.. but i have a massive break between drawing and design- design starts at 2:30pm- therefore, i'm kinda stuck @ school with not much to do. so i get to black&white design at 2:30, and by 3pm- i'm ready to pass the fuck OUT. yep.

kicked off my design class with an "i-need-to-sleep-really-fucking-bad" session. i fought so hard to stay awake. same thing happened before class on wednesday. only thing is, i was downing so much coffee during my break that my body had no choice but to stay awake. i was drinkin that shit raw man... my fucking tounge is still singed from throwing boiling hot water in my mouth, like an ass.

i went out and got the hair cut down as well... glad about that. dude.. do you know what a good haircut will do for your image? lol... you walk in a barber shop all fucked up, whatever... you get trimmed and shaped, and you are lookin like 700,000 bucks © von pea.

this is all in preperation for pete and jeff on saturday. i'ma take mad pics if i can... this shit is serious business. i'm tryna stay sober, but have a few dranks, hear some good music, hang with my cohorts and live it the fuck up.

ain't shit wrong in that.

___________________________________________

i just wanna take this time out to shoot a rest-in-peace to a guy i really didn't know... okp dj_teddy_bear, nappysince83, Simmon Teffera. word is, he committed suicide yesterday- hung himself in his dorm at VSU. i pray that i never have to experience what it feels like to go thru some shit that makes you want to take it there: to take your own life. things like this bother me.. i guess it's because i wear my heart on my sleeve, or whatever. but dude isn't living anymore.

that is FUCKED up.

anybody who's ever considered doing this, PLEASE trust me when i say nothing- NOTHING- is worth your life. life is the most irreplaceable thing on earth.

*sigh*

rip, fam.

0 comments | January 14, 2003

argh!

masturbation is a cheap substitute for sex. this, we all know. sometimes it hits the spot, but- in general, it's intrinsically half assed.

lemme tell you when it gets worse- when you start substituting it for a person's presence. i'm not sure how well i can explain this phenomenon, but the desire for someone to be near is becoming so overwhelming that i've been finding some sort of placation in palmela... which is exactly why i haven't done it in a while. the fact that i'm finding some sort of placebo-ish whatever in my fist worries me, and i don't wanna fuck anything up, so i've been avoiding the urge to stroke myself to sleep...

now that i've alienated and disgusted most of my readers...

but, i'm serious, yo.

y'all know the kid tho. i ain't no fuckin geek locked up in my room with my fist attached to my dick.. so fuck that image. i'm just being honest, and candid, as i promised. it's just weird. i'm starting to think that i just might NEED a lady in my life on some for real shit, and i grapple with that all the time.

*sigh*

more on that later.

i went to school today... it felt good to be back. i wish i coulda made more of my second class, but i was so fucking tired, i just kinda forced myself to stay somewhat attentive... b&w design is gonna be a pocket dentin' lil class. $240 in art supplies. fuckers. i BETTER use allat shit, too.

there's this girl in my design class who i kinda knew. she hopped up in my face after class and introduced herself as my ex best friend's associate, addressed me by my 1st name, and extended her hand. @ this point, it's about 5:30pm, i've been up since 4am, and i'm VERY incoherent, so i didn't even understand what she was saying. i'm like.. 'who?' lol.. she was like, "...you look tired."

i had to agree.

i placed her face like 2 or 3 minutes into the convo, and stuttered my way to goodbye... i'll have to apolgize for being half dead on wednesday.


but yeah, school today was basically sylllabis/supplies/grading systems/etc. the classes seem easy enough, just gotta be there.

*shrug*

here goes.

ok, i'm off to bed.

*closes blinds and grabs lotion*


...i'm KIDDING.

0 comments | January 12, 2003

the beginning of forever.

*cues john beltran's sensual healing. this song is so excellent. please listen some time.*

yeah, alot is goin down this week that i'm excited about. first- i start school tomorrow. 8-11am, 4-5:15pm, i think... *rubs hands together* progress is a sweet tasting little morsel. i'ma do it this year, yo.

promise.

BUT. sorry to say, something is ALREADY taking control of my attention for this week. on saturday, january the 18th, jazzy jeff will be joined by the one and only, GREAT, MAGNIFICENT, STUPENDOUS, AMAZING, INIMITABLE BEAT DEITY-



PETE ROCK!!!

ok, ok.



jeff is no slouch. at all. i loved magnificent. and jazz is pullin in more change than pete these days.

but.. pete!!!

i idolize these two, in my neverending quest to perfect the art of beat flipping. to have them both spin in philly is orgasmic. they're gonna be at the fluid nightclub @ 613 south 4th street. i'ont know bout the resta philly, but i'm falling through early and staying till the party rocks out.
so like, i'm trying to rally up every local troop i can find to come and see my nizzle on the boards, picking up various wears for the night, getting film for pictures. shit, i might even drink!

WHEW.

my brother came through last nite, spen the night. that was cool, i hadn't seen him in a few months, so we caught up on some all night shit. showed him some beats, put him on to some cash, twas sweet. we all sat around and watched the eagles wax that atl ass, sorry georgia, but it's like that.

the eagles are tryna get super, black. bring on the raiders.

oh, yeah..

class tomorrow! i mean, it's just drawing, but i'm STILL excited. i gotta get to bed soon, so i can get up appropriately. aren't you excited for me, diary?

i love you, diary...

XOXOXO,

Ak...

0 comments | January 10, 2003

do they really listen?

i am by no means a talker. it could be said that i appear disinterested at times, because of my lack of conversational offering. therefore, it's rare for me to really open up and "divulge" information, especially when it's close to my heart.

that bein said, once the floodgates open, i'm a broken faucet. honestly, if i get beyond the point of comfortability, wherein i feel prepared to speak my mind to a woman, i'll run off at the fucking mouth.

but honestly.. i have never had an experience where it felt like the woman i'm speaking to REALLY gives two flying shits. or one, for that matter.

i had a friend once who warned me against telling "these broads your personal business. these women don't wanna hear that shit!"

...word.

now at first, i'd dismiss his bullshit, because he was usually cooming from left field with his statements, and more importantly, he had as much experience with women as i did. maybe a bit more. besides, they were all assholes and smuts... what did he know, right? of course they don't wanna hear your dreams. jawns is tryna fuck! so i ignored him.

i later tested his theory straight up, and asked a respectable, intelligent young woman whether or not she found that unattractive.

in a round about way, she said yeah.

i think she sensed that i my standpoint was one of a man who had done this before, so she beat around bushes and tiptoed over hot coals, but she basically said yeah, it ain't really cute.

now, i don't think that's fucking fair, because i love to listen to people's dreams. i mean, i'm a damn GOOD listener. if it's one thing i take pride in myself in doing, i like to listen to people. it only gets better when i have a romantic interest in a lady. i know quite a few chicks' life stories, because i make my ear such a comfortable place.

what's wrong with giving me that shit in return?

i guess some women just like to hear themselves talk. i've seen that 1st hand, and it's nauseating in the least. i'm telling you, indifference when it comes to my personals... man... yo.

you could be a lump of 4hr old SHIT with a brain and a mouth. if you are genuinely interested in what i have to say, i'll want you around. i'll keep you around. i dunno... i mean, i know i can't be THAT fuckin boring. it's like, when i'm talking, a large percentage of the women i have spoken to get this glazed look about their eyes, trance out, and pop off obligatory "mhmms" and "uh huhs" until i stop, and then they'll interject with more voice masturbation. and it's crazy, because when it's THEM talking, there are two people genuinely interested.

fuck, that shit pisses me off.

i've asked a few of them whether they are interested in what i'm talking about. of course they say yes, but... i dunno. i'm just not convinced.

*sigh*

ANYway.

look!



me as a youngin. i think i was like, 8 months or so. babies are the best, yo. i'ont necessarily want one just yet, but they are cool lil things.

i wonder how much my kids'll look like me. i think i'd make good lookin kids. well, i HOPE i do.

lol.. moms told me that people thought i was a girl for a while. i had a lotta hair... it got to the point where she had cut it down to stop the misjudgin. i still maintain she shoulda given me cornrows. them shits woulda been HOT!

hmm.. i may have an interesting story tomorrow, depending on how things go with... things. we'll see.

i'll holla tho. tired of typing.

payce.


0 comments | January 07, 2003

one of my favorites.

5/27/02

seven seconds to standoff
flows twisted around earlobes and
toes tippied to overstand those
vo(cab)calizations, i
strategize, deploy
raw thought patterns that
tattoo soundwaves
and brand brave
hearted mothafuckas with the iron of silence
the streets whisper like
metronomic to my metaphors
as i throw 5280 feet to lyrical pedicures
with roads less traveled
i be rogue, stress-battled/soldier of circumstance
leveling this circumvention to circumsize lesser dic-tion
cause i'm about
strictly spitting non fiction,
dropping dime bags of truth at the speed of weed

son, i'm
grand larceny to the hearts of these junior varsity wordsmiths,
whose wordspits be like myths in the mist, when in the midst of this
meta/physicist with lip blistering acrobaticisms
strapping six second samples of metropolis-made nigga/melodies
to continental rhythms
and the blowback strikes omnidirectionals in five second dimensions
-i breathe ascension
maxwell'n your caffeine addiction, my
exhales wrought with metered suspension
deserted convention and fenced in schools of thought,
i'd rather be taut in delivery than taught in deliberation
giving pause to weak recitation
i could invoke uprisings in raped nations and
still fold half the trash your radio station rations
to your eardrums
i philly joe jones your eardrums with symbol'd cymbal crashes
that beat breaks into fixes for fraudulent microphone actions
and it's just begun
hustling communiques and hurling speak
like baseballs at basslines that ride out into the sunset

like we be bumpin' on sun/set

attacking the countenance of each thumb/fret
you climaxin' in your genes but the son of man ain't even cum yet
i'm dripping calico palaces from the lips,
and rhetorical queries lace my shit like

is my style see-able?

-four seconds till response,
better yet spare
yourself the solitaire
syndrome
i cross reference and blend poems with dolemite and flint stone
disrespect and get sent home
it's like that, family
i been sharp with mine since the fetal position
spoken tomes got felt like braille, and ASL for those who opt not to listen
i hot box and glisten when i spit paradigms and schisms
split light like
prisms and drop lyrical cataclysms

so pay attn. spittin poetical prominence.
___

not exactly a rhyme, just a hard ass poem. chea.

0 comments | January 01, 2003

Two Thousand And Three.

(i'm back and full of information)

a new year is once again upon us. what does it mean to me?

this, my friends, will be a year of change. i know, i say this every year, but damn it, i fuckin mean it this year. i'm already going to be making moves in school, so some kind of progress is all but inevitable. you see, i do believe that the top of each year is an opportunity for a fresh start, or a new lease on things. and something tells me that this year will be an especially significant one... i don't know exactly why, but it's been a beast of a premonition. so, whatever. i'ma take that premonition, pretend like it's a directive from god himself, and run with it. REAL far.

yeah, i ain't promisin shit this year, i'mjust gonna flow with it and hope everything falls into place.

i do wanna move out, tho. wanna record some music. wanna relationship of some sort... a FRUITFUL, BENEFICIAL one. not tryna have my heart starved for somethin i dont have absolute access to, although i think my better judgement regarding such things will not be much of a factor, cuz

i rocks

heart-sleeved

apparell, drunk off the

sweet scent of burned emotion


so we'll see. i'ma just cross mad digits until i know otherwise.
i wanna travel too. atlanta in the spring seems pretty definite, but i wanna do more than that. i dunno... i just basically want a life. i wanna fucking be somebody. fuck last year.

ANYWAY.

i skinned the living fuck out of my knee a few minutes ago, and the blood+gore factor is pissing me off. lol...

to all the folks that read this blog, i apologize for the lack of recent entries. i'ma pick it up soon, believe me. school is blog fodder for sure. you know.. one of the fucked up things about keeping online logs of your life is that eventually, unless you're on some serious stealth shit, people you know and love start reading it... and then you've got this invisible hand guiding your keystrokes, fueled by the knowlege that The Person You Are Typing About, or Your Best Friend or god forbid Your Mother quite possibly are reading.

so another new year's resolution of mine is to be as unabashedly candid as i possibly can in this blog. i won't say peoples names, but i will be speaking the truth, from the heart. i hope i don't offend anybody in the process, but then again, who wants to read some crowd pleasing crud, right?

wait-

couldn't being assholishly honest be considered a crowd pleasing tactic?

blah. i confuse myself.

look, i'm just gonna be honest.

yeah.

but seriously. 2003 motherfuckers.

it's ON.


(p.s. i'd also like to say that i will no longer be keeping late hours. it's fucking unhealthy. contrary to popular opinion, i will still be eating pork. all damn day.)