polyphony.

*sigh*

i'm so tired.
being up at 8:00am, and immediately putting the pressure on to get various things accomplished by certain deadlines. feeling the heat of being a spectacle for unfamiliar people... it's enough to make you pass out.

man.
it was a nice day tho. i enjoyed myself. i looked really nice, if i may say so myself.
the wedding was nice... it was a bit discombobulated, and i guess trinidadians are just as black as the rest of us... 'cause that joint ain't pop off until 3:30. lol

it wasn't any sort of traditional wedding or anything. they're all jehovah's witnesses, so the wedding was a standard witness wedding. quick, to the point. lots of pictures afterwards tho.

finally we made it to the reception hall for more introductions and etceteras. i was so hungry i thought i was going to faint... but i made it. we had to dance to luther vandross' "here and now"... i really don't like that song. but i sang it to the girl i was dancing with, i didn't realize i was singing it that loud. i didn't sing it *TO* her, but i sang it loud enough for her to ask me if i was enjoying the song.

we finally got to eat around 6:30 or so... man, that food was so good. i don't even remember what i had, but i know there was roti and macaroni and cheese and jerk chicken and curried beef on my plate, among other things.
tore it up, yo.

i was asked to dance by various people on quite a few occasions... i'd like to say it was because i was smashing and all, but i know it was more of a pity type thing. i was sitting in a corner IM'ng people on my cell phone... the bride herself had to snatch me up twice even. so i danced with her to sean paul's "like glue" (which is my shizzle).

i dunno

i tried to enjoy myself, and honestly, i did. but, something was bothering me and i still haven't figured out exactly what it was.

i didn't get a whole lot of pictures tho... maybe i can steal some from the bride when she gets back from her honeymooner's romp.
_________________________________________________________________

i suck yo.
i'm already dreading monday.
i'm trying to fight it. i worked so hard to get my butt hired somewhere, and i'm already wanting to sleep in on monday.

i was telling myself yesterday, that basically, i wouldn't see a lick of freedom until friday afternoon at 5pm. my grind had already begun yesterday, what with the wedding and all the preparation involved in squaring that away. that takes me straight into sunday, which amounts to nothing more than me counting down the hours until my first day.

and i know how the night before a first day anywhere goes, for me.
i do NOT sleep.
at all.

so i "wake up" at 5:45am, get up and go, and by 12pm, i'm DEAD tired, praying for clock out time to hurry along. i know it.

*sigh*
least i got a job, right. silver lining up in that beetch.

it'll all be worth it once i gets me a car tho!

or rather, it'll all be all the more necessary. insurance and the like.
that's what i'ma focus on... copping a wheel.
hope it helps get me thru the day.

________________________________________________________________

man im hornier than i can handle right now, but i'm too tired to address it properly.

goodnight.

so yeah.

what up with the kid.
bus it.

went to the interview today, talked a bit with the dude, answered some questions.
it's all good, and i start on monday.

to all the people who cared a lick, good lookin.
i see the love, no doubt.


so, now i'm plotting on a car.

and, i was thinking today. here's the plan. i'ma bank up for the next 3 months. give pratt, nyit, and sae a chance. if they don't work out, or at least look promising by january, i'm moving out.
elsewhere in the city for now, working towards securing work elsewhere in the country, preferably east coast, and start anew.

i'm bout it bout it, cuz.
fk the drama.

i mean, the move'd not be permanent, but i just need (warning, cliche coming) a change of scenery for a bit. get away from someof this familiarity... but that's at least a year away.
right now, i'm working on this car.
place of my own, soon come.

yeah.

new developments.

george chaby.
crotchety, no... old fashioned.
5th and Girard. (...)

$7-8 hour.
needs somebody who can type:
but also who can get their hands dirty.

crotchety?!

$7/hr?

fifth

and

girard? like, fishtown?
oh boy.

and i'ma have to play myself UP for this.
make myself sound willing and able.

in otherwords.
sell myself for $7/hr.

*sucks it up*
i hope it's worth it.

yo fk this.

ain't no reason why i can't do this.

quoted from okplayer taygravy: okayplayer.com

"Since our website is down for a minute and a lot of people have been asking questions, I thought I'd take the time to give you guys the official word on what's going on with our camp.
To confirm the rumors, yes, 9th IS currently in the studio with Jay-Z working on the Black Album. We didn't wanna let the cat out of the bag too early,(remember those Jay Dee/Blueprint rumors?), but from what I'm hearing from 9th (he's in NY, we're in San Fran) Jay is really ecstatic about his tracks and it looks as if he may actually have a shot at making the album.

*crosses fingers*

Because of his studio schedule, this means that 9th will miss the first few dates of the Hiero tour, but will pick it back up sometime around the first leg of the tour (hopefully before Carrboro.....) Holding me and Pooh down on the tables will be none other than the League's own producer/manager/label rep/real estate mogul/financial planner/paterfamilias extraordinaire........."Big Dhoooooooooo!"

Also, 9th hooked up with ?uest and Thought in Philly and hopefully will be making a contribution to the Roots' next joint, "The Tipping Point." (psst....Questo......Roy Lee got beats too, nigga......)

As for the two emcees in LB, Pooh is finishing up work on his EP, "Sleepers," and will hopefully have it available before the end of the year. Also, coming soon will be his "Heart of the City" single on the League's newly formed Hall of Justus Music Group label.

All the cats who inboxed me about me and Eccentic's comedy album "The Story of U.S. (Unheralded Symmetrics)" can now breathe a sigh of relief,as we will be doing a limited pressing with Hip Hop Site just in time for the Hiero tour. The "3rd Anniversary Commemorative Deluxe Limited Special Edition" contains four bonus tracks including "Atari 2600" and the controversial but never released, "It Takes A Nation of Bouncers........To Hold Me Back From the Club." The album will be on sale for the duration of the Hiero tour (although I probably won't get my first batch until a week or so into the tour), and will also be available through Hip Hop Site.

In closing, me and Nicolay have JUST finished up our collaborative album as The Foreign Exchange entitled "Connected."

Without giving away too much, the best way I can describe it is boom-bap with a lot of atmospherics, as well a few surprises along the way. Me and Nic are gonna do a teaser "mixtape" in a few weeks or so, and will have the album ready for an early 2004 release (label is still undecided....probably Hiero or BBE....)

And that's about it for now........

Thanks for the support, y'all. See you at the show!

One,
Phonte"

fk out of here, cuz.

it's things like that that make me want to punch a hole in the wall. not outta frustration, so much, but if that don't make you want to make your music and be successful... then nothing will.

or things like this.

no direct quotes, but my man wale got 4.5 stars in URB magazine. that's not some local mag outta somebody's backyard.
urb is for real. and they said his album was a half star short of classic, by their ranking system.

what the fock am i doing?

maybe i'm too rushed.
but i see this, and i believe yo.

and then, i go and listen to outkast's album.
and i go to album signings for cats that been pounding the same pavement i do.
i exchange phone numbers with fks that i've idolized.

i look at it like this.

i *know* how to make beats.
they ain't the best beats, but if i had to, i could run upstairs to my room, and have 15 simple beats in 3 hours.

i *know* how to write rhymes.
good ones even.

so what's the hold up?
maybe i don't believe in myself...
maybe i'm still being impatient?

maybe i'm just sick of hearing my peoples essentially tell me to shut up when i'm rhyming into my cheap microphone...
maybe i'm so not used to success that i become scared of it, to the point of making myself fail repeatedly.

that's believeable.
cuz for whatever reason, i'm not giving myself a chance.
i spit four bars into the mic and i spent the rest of the day trying to eq my vox so that they sound like some professional recording i heard.

and then i get pissed and go play some gta3.

fuck this, yo.
finna do this shit.

it might not work, but this is my dream so dammit if i don't give it a good ass go.
i don't need to make beats for jay z.
i don't need to get 4.5 stars in URB.

i'm tryna prove to myself that i can do this.
and that i can do it well enough to please myself.

look for me.©tupac

s'rious.

reminiscing.

i was straightening up my room today, and i came across a little box which i keep "keepsakes" if you will, mostly ticket stubs of concerts past, bus tickets anf baseball cards, stuff like that.

i looked thru them, and of course, with such things, memories were evoked.

just thought i'd share a few of the standout ones, whether the memories are good or bad.


quite possibly my favorite concert ever.
i think it was the whole day... i spent time with a really cool person.
we had all kinds of fun around new york city... i got to see a classic supergroup perform.

i remember it was so cold outside... we sat outside in line, waiting for the 18-under crowd to get out so mos and kwa could do our show. it was amazing, the fact that they rocked two shows with the same amount of energy. i saw evil dee, pos from de la came out and proved that he's HEADS above any performer i've ever seen... mr.man came out and they did FORTIFIED LIVE. it was nuts.

i remember mos asking who had copped the new jay z blueprint joint. fkn backpackers. nobody raised their hands. he was like, "the fk? y'all from brooklyn and y'all ain't cop? that sht is HOT!" lol

i had it, and i raised my hand. it was kinda hot. i remember he did his own version of take over(!!!) or when the dj dummy's turntable messed up and the beat dropped to ms. fat booty. mos sang the rest of the gregory isaacs joint he quoted in the song, and then spit the rest of ms.fat booty acapella. dramatic and dope.

but that trip was more about independence... i was 21... had money( *sad face*)... i kinda liked this chick up in new york. superbly fly. spent the whole night just havin fun around the city... it was post 9-11 too, so nyc was police state like a mthrfkr. we fell asleep in Grand Central Station, and this joe asz cop came and woke us up, talking about we were there the night before. fk out of here. i remember seeing the missing spot where the buildings had been... ground zero was still roped off at that point. and the air was hazy, and smelled really dusty. it was crazy.

i loved it.



man.
this concert.
just for a second. peep the price of this joint.

!!!

a nigga spent $80 to see the roots! in philly! what was i thinking?
i mean. i'd pay anything to see them. but it was SO disappointing, now that i think about it.
it was half a billion people there, and they all came to see jill scott and/or musiq. the roots hosted it, but when they actually performed, nobody knew words. i found myself trying to scream for everybody in the audience. they did do "swept away" tho.

it was so expensive because it was nba all star weekend. man, i musta had money then. cats was spendin it like they was BALLERS. those who attended with me will remember this as the last time my sister showed her face at a concert, i think.

craziness. eighty dollars, yo.
i want a refund.



this one was REAL good.
talib was good, but com was NUTS.
it was sunny, in the middle of upenn. there was this girl who attended upenn that i liked, and i hoped i'd see her there. i went with my boy, the one who's gone effectively crazy... we had so much fun. i got up with a friend there i hadn't seen since 10th grade. (gene, if you read this, you remember john from hs? dreads, hip hop head?) all three of us stood together, and wilded OUT.

there was this group of FLY girls behind us.... i wanted to crack so bad, but the jawn i was digging was giving john all the play... and my boy sherm (crazy cat) was pissing the other two off with his ignorant personality. so i just enjoyed the show. i did get into a pushing match with the white girl tho.
she was tryna house me for my spot in the front.

man, please.



this was a good concert.
from what i understand, i was there, unbeknownst to me, with some of my now closest associates. i went with my boy sherm, his girlfriend and her sister. they were all amazed at how i knew the words to every song that was played that night, before the show and after.

i'm like, you guys don't learn the words to this sht?

man... i miss sherm, yo. he was an ass, but he was a good dude. funny. i hope he's aight.

but yeah... i like the trocadero. it's a pretty nice venue.




this was also at the troc, as is painfully obvious.
nerd killed it. i had been rocking this cd something fierce, and was extra amped to see them perform. i remember all my lady friends was lookin fly, kaya was lookin extra fresh as usual, and sak was on top of game.

age old question:

"where's lex?! (my sister)"

age old answer:

"lex is a hater. you should know this by now."

basically.
yo... remember the mosh pit?
i was like yo. if these cats step on my sneaks, i'm gonna beat somebody bloody.
YO!

KELIS! sheesh... she was bad as she wanted to be. i wanted to smash so bad after that concert, i remember that... i dont know why. musta been something in the water my boy chris brought us.

but we had fun.

i need some more years like that. 2001-early 2002... i had fun.
and money.

hopefully, a repeat in 2004.

*shrug*

peace.

so this is the plan this morning.

gonna have a nice lil breakfast, pop these vitamins.
do some curls and presses with the dumbbells, then have a triple serving of my whey supp.
rest for 10.
holler at a shower.
get dressed, and go look for saul williams' new book.

but yeah.
yesterday was a day full of job search madness. actually, this whole week was, stretching back to last friday. something better come of it all. i feel kind of good about this insurance company in the northeast, they said they will call me by this friday. i'm praying that something comes through.

the kid needs change. double entendre style.

i gotta head downtown and start figuring out what i'm gonna wear in this wedding, too.
yo. nobody's said a THING to me about rehearsals. it's bad enough that i was asked to be in a wedding 2 weeks before the proceeds.

whatever. 27th is the day. let's see what happens.
alls i know is that i'm gonna be the best looking cat in that party. lol shinin on the groom and isht.
j/k but i'm sayin.

i really ain't need an opportunity to splurge on a suit and shoes yo.

aight, i'm out.

i gotta get out of here.

on the for reals.
i cant stand the lookin over my shoulder, watching what i say, how i look, how i act.
it's just getting old, like me.

i'm getting too old for this.

i hold no grudges.
i'm not mad at anyone.
i feel their pain, no doubt. but i'm tryna build for myself now.
i'm beyond this, i swear.

i wanna be in a different city.
it used to be new york but now i'm not sure if i really care where.

i just like... wanna start my adulthood all over again.
i feel like i've wasted some of it. and the wasting continues as i sit relatively stagnant.
i just feel...

restricted.

i dunno.
this life i'm living is old.
i'm happy with some of it, but the central parts... the stuff i'm dealing with everyday.
it's just really old.

k

wow.
i just heard a life in the day of andre3000.

andre 3000 is the best mc on the planet, fuck your opinions when it comes to facts.
karas, i hope i'm able to see your face when you hear this shit.

all i gotta say is "macaroni niggas, impostors."

pasta
macaroni

jeezis.

yo. i mean. SHIT.
ok. i lied in the last entry. i couldn't do no shit like this.

*inspired*

make a nigga wanna hit the marble compostions,
aint writin like i used to, its time i change positions,
decision to make beats took me outta my zone
i put the pen down,
neglected my little gold microphone
it sits in the closet next to skeletons,
them bones

left me a shell of myself, i'm empty and alone

what if writin aint the answer, i'm fightin it like cancer
'it'
bein proclivity to give up on these words

i give it all a chance, see/
this wasnt in the plans, cuz/
i'm
payin attention but the payments was deferred
and, so i carry on with this shit
i'm promisin demos and niggas was believin this shit
i'm rhymin on memos,
i'm tryna bring the heat when i spit
but heat is relative,
i
...understand about units of heat- i get caloric
lookin for the answer to rap, but shit's rhetoric-
cal, fools of feather stick together, and im tryna run with niggas who could give a fuck whether
hip hop will survive or if it
lives or dies cuz
they forgot how it feels anticipate releases,
too busy makin money so the dopeness tends to cease and
that filters down to me and
cats like myself,
either we forget how to rhyme or rap books hit the shelf
it's crazy when i consider the cycle in retrospect
how niggas at the top can trigger a chain effect and
fuck up the vision of generations ahead of em
baby brother's harlem shakin repeatin shit thats said to him
thru the radio and video
by day, i say it's pitiful

by night i'm thinkin will my 'integrity' be liveable?

i could write a whole book,
and shit would still be microcosmic
a little cross section of my daily thought process
and, i don't mean obsess

but damn, a nigga jobless
people callin me lazy cuz i'm focused on this rhyme shit
they don't see the progress and somethin ain't clickin,
to everybody else it looks like i'm bullshittin,
but when the bull shits, it hits the ground with force
and everybody smells it
so, look out for the taurus
with a bit of indigestion, bubblin intestines, a pen and a pad
mad at anyone who questions
he
for he got a plan, and he's
back on his grind
give him a couple years
he'll be
back on your mind

and i'm finished my rhyme.
for now.

another wasted nite.

weekend even.
no new york for the roots shit at jones beach.
no drinky drink tonight, my cousin was supposed to holler with details.

the folks rented 'a beautiful mind', which i'm not aversed to watching, but my dad had to say something that pissed me off. don't feel like being in his company at the moment.
so once again... it's this ugly ass room.

i was thinking today... i wonder what it is that actually pushes people past having a creative mind, into actually producing with their creativity. like, for instance, musically. not to toot any proverbial horns, but most of the shit (hip hop wise specifically, that being the ground breaking, paradigm shifting culture of today) that gets heralded as amzing, fresh, new, and "changing the soundscape of rap music" i've already thought of. not so far as actual songs, but concepts, ideas...

but then i haven't produced one ground breaking song.

no ingenius verses.

my beats all sound like pete rock circa 1994. if that.

so what's the catch?

take for instance, dre's half of the outkast double album. where as with lotsa shit, you find yourself saying, "damn, *i* shoulda thought of that." i find myself saying, "damn i been thinking about doing that but i just aint know how."

not to take anything from dre though.
so far, from what i've heard of the album, it's awesome. his and b ig boi's. a big speakerboxx to all the motherfuckers that said big boi couldn't be a solo artist... duke is nice. like, *nice.*

they are gonna take over, once again. can you believe that outkast are still underrated?
that's a statement.

_____________________________________________________________________

man.
being far away from somebody you dig is hard.
give it years and it becomes fucking impossible. i try to keep my head up and shit, but it's fucking hard... i dunno.

_____________________________________________________________________

i should have a new beat up soon.
soon as my DSL decides to stay connected for more than an hour at a time, that is.
i don't even wanna try uploading it on dial-up, but maybe i should.

i got a couple i'm working on that should be ready for public consumption in a few days.


yo being alone sucks

morning.

today, i'ma dedicate the day to progress.
just make sure i'm accomplishing something every minute of the day.

this morning, gonna bombard some folks with the old, rusty, apparently damning resume.
there's a few places that have jobs listed that i'd be glad to have.

then, i guess i'll maybe toy with these beats some. got some wayne shorter samples i want to mangle...
i'll probably mess with the dumbells too, later on- warm up for tomorrow night.

this room needs a good cleaning too. it's not awful, i very rarely let my room get awful, but all the records strewn about are quickly becoming an issue.

i don't feel like spending any money today. besides, that's not progress. i'd be subtracting from my account which is a step in the wrong direction. i'ma hold on to these coupla dollars.

what else?

oh yeah. maybe tmi, but bust it.
i swear. it's gotta be these vitamins i'm taking. ejaculations are explosive these days. lol

damn!!!


i KNOW you all wanted to know that...

but i don't have a problem with that.
the kid is just trying to stay healthy.

(btw, it's a multivitamin, not some ginkgo bilboa horny goat weed shit, ok? so hold the jokes)

i was thinking about traveling to new york city this weekend for this, but i'm low on funds, and it's tomorrow night, which is like, real soon and shit. i haven't TOTALLY decided against it, but i'm already feeling too lazy.

we'll see.

anyways. time to fax resumes.

wish me luck.

one.

me and cl smooth.




yeah.
side note, it looks like i'm holding his arm or something.
but, between that and my pic with pete, i was good.

anyways...
got some things accomplished that i've been meaning to do today.
gonna head to bed soon, get ready to bust my ass tomorrow.

hey sak, i think i'ma try to squeeze a verse out of my ass for you.
and chris (joey crack).

and like 5 complete songs for myself.
the beats aren't like that, but they are on the come up.

oh yeah...! did i tell y'all i'm in the gym every friday now? tryna get that weight up...

holla.

(btw. buy this woman's paintings. NOW. in abundance. no, i'm serious.)

i was gonna write but i really don't feel like it.

rather'd be doing something else.

but peep. i met j live, pete rock and cl smooth last nite. took pictures with all of em.
danced the fucking night away, got a replacement for my vikter duplaix K7 cd, had some drinks.

i need lots of that. (the fun, not the drinks. 2 hour open bars don't hurt though.)
like one a weekend or someshit. for reals.

it almost replaces the absence of sex.

it's like. i love music, cause it makes people beautiful. 2000+ motherfuckers in a club, lights low, just grooving to bongo band or chiming in when electric relaxation drops, that's fucking poetry right there. 's such a fucking rush.

cuz like, everybody's smiling, no dumb shit, because everybody respects the vibe. i mean, it's a few dickheads in the corner of every club, but i stay outta places where music ain't the focus. every body i know strictly by way of internet- if i've never met you in person, that's where i wanna meet you. at a good club with a good dj.

word.